Heather Cofer

  • Home
  • About
  • Recommendations
  • Products
  • Book

Insecurity: The Thief of Joy

5 Dec

A new couple sits a few rows in front of us in church.

There is a part of me that is thrilled – itching to go up and introduce myself to the young wife as soon as the service is over. And then, there’s this other part of me that hesitates… What if I say the wrong thing and sound totally ridiculous? What if my kids start misbehaving and I look like a terrible mom in front of these new people? What if no questions come to mind and we’re just standing in awkward silence? What if they never want to come back because of something I say?

That part is called insecurity. 

Over the years, insecurity has caused me to miss out on opportunities to meet people, to love and serve people, and to say yes to good and new experiences (especially ones that involve any sort of risk). It’s kept me silent when I should have spoken truth, kept my hands and feet dormant when I should have used them for good.

Insecurity comes far more naturally to me than confidence. I have a feeling I’m not the only one who struggles with it. Why? Because at its root, insecurity is a focus on self. And since the fall, focus on self is our natural bent. It may come packaged in different ways for different people, but there’s probably some manifestation of it in everyone.

I’ve heard several times that insecurity is the flip-side of pride. I was rather taken aback by that statement at first. But the more I thought about it, the more the Lord used that to open my eyes to the many subtle ways I was saying yes to pride by justifying my insecurities under the guise of “that’s just how I am.” Take that new couple at church. If I choose not to go up to them with the excuse of being an introvert, I’m thinking more about myself and my own comfortability rather than thinking about God and how He calls me to love others. They are probably feeling far more out of place and awkward than I am. They know no one there, but I know many people. I can choose to “take” the awkwardness for them, or I can let the pride of self-protection cause me to miss the chance to love them because of the potential “risks” involved. But it’s not so easy to go against the grain of those natural patterns. So… is that how I have to be? Am I forever doomed to a life of being stuck in self-focused insecurity?

No. Far from it. Jesus died to set me free from insecurity. 

Just about every day I see the message from the world that the key to overcoming insecurity is by loving myself more, putting myself first, realizing my self-worth, and focusing on my good and potential (basically trying to fight pride with… a different side of pride). But there’s a massive problem with this. When I turn my eyes inward, elevating myself and trying to search out just how good I am, I quickly start to see how many ways I fall short of this pedestal I’m placing myself on… which causes more insecurity, and more frantic effort to do enough or be enough (or at least try to make myself look good in others’ eyes). And before I know it, I’m trapped in a vicious cycle of deeper and deeper insecurity and false hope. Because security can never be found by depending on my sinful, insufficient self. 

The cure for insecurity is finding security in Jesus. 

It’s because I will never be enough that Jesus came. It’s because I had no hope in myself that Jesus came. It’s because I was lost that Jesus came. He alone is enough, He alone is my hope, He alone is my salvation. It’s by turning my eyes off of myself and onto my perfect, all-satisfying, all-sufficient Savior that the chains of insecurity begin to weaken. When I gaze upon the very Source of love and realize the depth of forgiveness that was purchased for me on the cross when I had done nothing (and could never do anything) to deserve it, it is then that I begin to find rest and sufficiency in Him rather than trying (and failing) to find it in myself. 

The cure for insecurity is finding security in Jesus

And when my eyes are no longer on myself? I’m free to love others and serve others without being hindered by wondering what others will think of me. I can choose to risk my reputation and comfort because it just doesn’t matter so much anymore… because the joy of being the conduit of my Lord’s love to others far outweighs the danger of an awkward moment or poor word choice. Obeying Him and laying all on the line for the glory of my King surpasses the scariness of anything it might entail.

Because of Jesus’ life in me, I am enabled to overcome insecurity. Sure, the feelings may still come. I may still get a little nervous to go introduce myself to the new couple (believe me, I still get shaky). But by His grace, I don’t listen to those feelings quite as much as I once did. I’m being sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit to love God and others unhindered. And the more I’m changed, the more holding onto insecurity like a security blanket just doesn’t sound so good anymore. And I’m discovering more every day just how beautiful it is to “turn [my] eyes upon Jesus, look[ing] full in His wonderful face.” The things of earth (and my old ways) truly do grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. 

If you’re under the weight of joy-stealing insecurity… Look to Jesus. Let Him take care of it. It’s eternally worth it.

Your friend,

Previous Post: « Adorned: Living Out the Beauty of the Gospel Together – Book Recommendation
Next Post: Just Remember Jesus »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Subscribe

Recent Posts

  • Invisible Illness, The Fear of Man, and the God Who Sees
  • Not So Simple
  • Musings from a Decade
  • Postpartum Encouragement Part 3: Emotional Preparation
  • The Birth Story of Jack Lewis Cofer

Archives

  • April 2022
  • December 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019

Categories

  • Christian Living
  • Christian Womanhood
  • Expectant
  • Guest Post
  • Life Stewardship
  • Marriage
  • Missions
  • Motherhood
  • Products
  • Resources
  • Uncategorized

Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Latest on Instagram

As I watch the happenings in this world I have an As I watch the happenings in this world I have an ever-increasing ache—a yearning—to be known first and foremost by my allegiance to Jesus Christ.

As I read headlines, hot takes, opinions, debates between fellow believers—praying and seeking to learn and discern—I’m more certain than ever that being a Christian frees us from being defined by or confined to earthly labels in our stances on any given issue. We’re free to champion what God champions, to despise what God despises regardless of how it might be viewed by those around us or what political lines it might cross. We’re free to love those who differ from us, and yes, even free to love those who do us wrong. 

I have strong opinions and thoughts about certain issues—no doubt about it. I disagree with certain thoughts or opinions fellow believers hold. But what I want those brothers and sisters to know about me *first* is that I love them, not how I might disagree with them. Yes, there’s a place to discuss, to sharpen one another, to exhort and encourage, to warn and even to rebuke at times when we see fellow believers straying from Christ. But the world is supposed to know us by our love for each other, not our debates and conflicts. This should temper the “what,” “how,” and “when” of every conversation. 

Some of us are called to stand more publicly against certain evils and injustices than others. We should expect the best of those who aren’t doing or saying exactly what we’re doing or saying (*especially* if we’re defining them by their lack of words on social media. There are faithful Christians who will never say a word about current issues online, but are obeying in word and deed in their in-person spheres). That said, this should *never* be used as an excuse to neglect the actions and words that every Christ-follower must be marked by according to Scripture. And when we find ourselves hesitating to obey any of God’s commands due to another allegiance something needs to change.

Lord, may your people be defined not by causes, but by Christ; not by worldly labels, but by you alone.
.
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #thegospelchangeseverything #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant the past few days. I snipped and propagated it from a stunning outdoor hanging plant we had a couple years ago after it scorched in the intense CO sun. After weeks of daily watching I finally saw the roots appear, and replanted it. Fuchsia is special to me, because it’s one of the plants that beautified our windowsills in Mongolia throughout our years there. I love having one in our home.

Recently, though, did a little trimming of this plant. I noticed there were a couple of overly flourishing sprigs; they were so long they were keeping the little plant from filling out. So, as much as I hated to do it, I clipped them off. To my delight, brand new leaves began appearing within days all over the plant.

Why has this been on my mind?  Because it reminded me that sometimes—in order for us to flourish—we need to clip back areas in our lives that are zapping growth. It’s often a painful decision, because they’re usually pastimes or vocations we love. But we know in order to direct time and energy toward our God-given priorities we need to do a little clipping of those gangly offshoots. Although we feel bare for a time, it doesn’t take long for the evidence of growth and life to show itself where it was much needed. 

And guess what? Those clipped offshoots are sitting in a jar in the kitchen, waiting to sprout new roots. They aren’t gone forever, just being prepped to produce life rather than zap it. Sometimes branches do need to be clipped and tossed. Other times they just need to be propagated—waiting for new roots to grow so they can grow and flourish at the right time in the right way.

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #plants #Christcenteredwomanhood #fuchsia #ponderings #lessonseverywhere
//Well, it’s all an adventure That comes with a //Well, it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you//

The incredible @frostedphotographer took some headshots for us, and she said, “Do you want to snap a few together?” Yes, please. 😍😍😍

Forever thankful for the gift of a life adventure with this man.
//Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Su //Summer and winter and
springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their
courses above,
Join with all nature in 
manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness,
mercy, and love//
.
.
.
.
.
#greatisthyfaithfulness #lookingtoJesus #springtime
“Being like Jesus” will never contradict the r “Being like Jesus” will never contradict the rest of Scripture.

Several times as of late I’ve read or heard examples of people using stories of Jesus from the gospels to back up an argument about accepting sin of some kind. They say that if His followers are going to be like Him they need to follow His example—His example by their interpretation, that is.

But the narratives told of Jesus in the Gospels will *never* contradict the specific commands Christ-followers are given in the rest of the New Testament. Jesus never justified a sin we’re commanded to repent of. A sinful attitude never laced His words, no matter how matter-of-fact His rebukes were. Jesus is the Word made flesh. He will never go against His character or commands for His people.

We can be hard-line on sin while being gentle and kind. We can show compassion without compromising truth. We can be loving while holding fast to biblical convictions. We can, and we must.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Changing Him in any way for our own gain—whether that’s for fleshly gratification or out of fear of others—is making a Jesus in our image. This is a Jesus who cannot save. 

But we have a Jesus who *can* save, who needs no re-making. May we, by His grace, be ever-conforming to Him.
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #truth #love #Jesusislife
“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influenc “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” 
-Billy Graham

I know without a doubt this is true of my mom. This side of heaven I’ll have no idea what depths her godly influence and faithfulness has had upon me as a wife, mom, and woman in any sphere. I will never forget her telling us, “I’m so thankful I get to spend my days with you.” To have the assurance we were loved and enjoyed on top of all she did for our physical needs was a priceless gift. And, as I prepared to enter into adulthood she not only mentored me, but invited me into friendship with her. There aren’t words to sum up that kind of honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thank you for being willing to love and follow Jesus in whatever He’s asked of you. There is nothing greater you could’ve given to us. I love you.
“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was be “My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:15-16

At the end of every baby book I make for my kids I include a picture of their ultrasound next to a picture of them at a year old. I want them to have no doubt that they have been loved dearly from the moment we found out about them, before we could see them with our own eyes. I want them to know that their lives are gifts, and always have been. I want them to know that every bit of morning sickness, every ache and pain, every labor and delivery, every sleepless night, every urgent care trip, every tear shed, every penny spent, every pursuit that’s been put on hold, every extra mess, every lingering effect on my body are beyond worth it for the privilege of being their mama. For the kiddos who were a surprise to us, I want them to know God knew infinitely better than we did the timing for another child, filling our lives with delight. I want to combat any lie that the enemy and the world that would tell them they’re an inconvenience, a hindrance, a “Plan B,” with assurances of my love and—more importantly—God’s love and perfect plan for them.

I want my children to know I wouldn’t trade them for any career, any worldly accolades, any convenience, any fortune, any temporary ease. They have been used by God as tools to reveal and root out sin, to flood my weakness with the grace of God, to increase my joy. 

On this Mother’s Day weekend, I just want to say: thank you, Lord, for the undeserved gift of my children.
.
.
.
.
#gratefulmama #mothersday #childrenareagift #fearfullyandwonderfullymade
Load More...
  • About Heather
  • Book
  • Recommendations
  • Products
  • Contact
  • Affiliate

Copyright © 2022 · Refined theme by Restored 316