Heather Cofer

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Insecurity: The Thief of Joy

5 Dec

A new couple sits a few rows in front of us in church.

There is a part of me that is thrilled – itching to go up and introduce myself to the young wife as soon as the service is over. And then, there’s this other part of me that hesitates… What if I say the wrong thing and sound totally ridiculous? What if my kids start misbehaving and I look like a terrible mom in front of these new people? What if no questions come to mind and we’re just standing in awkward silence? What if they never want to come back because of something I say?

That part is called insecurity. 

Over the years, insecurity has caused me to miss out on opportunities to meet people, to love and serve people, and to say yes to good and new experiences (especially ones that involve any sort of risk). It’s kept me silent when I should have spoken truth, kept my hands and feet dormant when I should have used them for good.

Insecurity comes far more naturally to me than confidence. I have a feeling I’m not the only one who struggles with it. Why? Because at its root, insecurity is a focus on self. And since the fall, focus on self is our natural bent. It may come packaged in different ways for different people, but there’s probably some manifestation of it in everyone.

I’ve heard several times that insecurity is the flip-side of pride. I was rather taken aback by that statement at first. But the more I thought about it, the more the Lord used that to open my eyes to the many subtle ways I was saying yes to pride by justifying my insecurities under the guise of “that’s just how I am.” Take that new couple at church. If I choose not to go up to them with the excuse of being an introvert, I’m thinking more about myself and my own comfortability rather than thinking about God and how He calls me to love others. They are probably feeling far more out of place and awkward than I am. They know no one there, but I know many people. I can choose to “take” the awkwardness for them, or I can let the pride of self-protection cause me to miss the chance to love them because of the potential “risks” involved. But it’s not so easy to go against the grain of those natural patterns. So… is that how I have to be? Am I forever doomed to a life of being stuck in self-focused insecurity?

No. Far from it. Jesus died to set me free from insecurity. 

Just about every day I see the message from the world that the key to overcoming insecurity is by loving myself more, putting myself first, realizing my self-worth, and focusing on my good and potential (basically trying to fight pride with… a different side of pride). But there’s a massive problem with this. When I turn my eyes inward, elevating myself and trying to search out just how good I am, I quickly start to see how many ways I fall short of this pedestal I’m placing myself on… which causes more insecurity, and more frantic effort to do enough or be enough (or at least try to make myself look good in others’ eyes). And before I know it, I’m trapped in a vicious cycle of deeper and deeper insecurity and false hope. Because security can never be found by depending on my sinful, insufficient self. 

The cure for insecurity is finding security in Jesus. 

It’s because I will never be enough that Jesus came. It’s because I had no hope in myself that Jesus came. It’s because I was lost that Jesus came. He alone is enough, He alone is my hope, He alone is my salvation. It’s by turning my eyes off of myself and onto my perfect, all-satisfying, all-sufficient Savior that the chains of insecurity begin to weaken. When I gaze upon the very Source of love and realize the depth of forgiveness that was purchased for me on the cross when I had done nothing (and could never do anything) to deserve it, it is then that I begin to find rest and sufficiency in Him rather than trying (and failing) to find it in myself. 

The cure for insecurity is finding security in Jesus

And when my eyes are no longer on myself? I’m free to love others and serve others without being hindered by wondering what others will think of me. I can choose to risk my reputation and comfort because it just doesn’t matter so much anymore… because the joy of being the conduit of my Lord’s love to others far outweighs the danger of an awkward moment or poor word choice. Obeying Him and laying all on the line for the glory of my King surpasses the scariness of anything it might entail.

Because of Jesus’ life in me, I am enabled to overcome insecurity. Sure, the feelings may still come. I may still get a little nervous to go introduce myself to the new couple (believe me, I still get shaky). But by His grace, I don’t listen to those feelings quite as much as I once did. I’m being sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit to love God and others unhindered. And the more I’m changed, the more holding onto insecurity like a security blanket just doesn’t sound so good anymore. And I’m discovering more every day just how beautiful it is to “turn [my] eyes upon Jesus, look[ing] full in His wonderful face.” The things of earth (and my old ways) truly do grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. 

If you’re under the weight of joy-stealing insecurity… Look to Jesus. Let Him take care of it. It’s eternally worth it.

Your friend,

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This dear, dear friend is off on a new adventure o This dear, dear friend is off on a new adventure of obedience to Jesus. I’ve known her longer than 3 of my kids, and they’ve never known life without “Buddy.” How we are going to miss you.
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You’ve blessed us in more ways than we can count, and your friendship is an incredibly precious gift. I know the Lord will use you to advance His kingdom wherever He calls you. You’ll always have a special place in the Cofer house fam. 💕
Have you ever gotten that funny feeling something Have you ever gotten that funny feeling something is off? When someone you’ve read, followed, and respected for a while seems not as “right on” as you thought, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? It’s not that they’ve totally turned away from God or don’t still say lots of things that are true, but there’s an internal twinge that makes it a little harder to fully get behind them.
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As I’ve wrestled with this more and more, praying over it, reading Scripture, and talking with others, it seems (at least in part) to be this: everything begins to revolve around a theme/cause/platform other than Christ. It might be something good that Christians should care about, but it slowly shifts from being an overflow of their love for Christ to being what their life becomes all about. Jesus is used as a tool for them to support their cause rather than their main emphasis; their All in All.
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This also opens the way for other voices that speak up for the same causes—but are not grounded in truth—to gain a place of influence in their lives. And slowly these voices can become an equal or greater authority than Scripture. It doesn’t happen right away. But you know it’s happening when you see subtle re-shaping of truth, you begin to hear the same language, and you begin to realize the same worldly patterns of thinking.
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None of us are immune to this deception. And that is why it is eternally important that we always, *always* make the Word of God our highest authority. If it becomes us against the Bible in even the “tiniest” way, the Bible must win every time. If we find ourselves trying to contort passages to fit our point of view, we are the ones who are off.
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As Christians, may our lives wholly revolve around and be built upon Christ, because this is our only true hope in life and death.
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#ponderings #lookingtoJesus #Jesusplusnothing #truth #Scripture
We live in a world that largely devalues children, We live in a world that largely devalues children, especially those that are in the womb. And the more children you have, the crazier you are seen by others. The first child is usually celebrated with baby showers and elaborate gender reveals, but the fifth child? I know that some people will actually feel sorry for me.
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But as Christians, we need to start being intentional about declaring how precious children are, whether they are the first or 10th. Every single person who enters this world has been made by God with a purpose. No child is an accident to God, regardless of whether they were planned for. Not only should this be reflected in our attitude, but also in our words. The kiddos in our lives (whether our own or others) should be talked *about* and *to* as valued, loved, and wanted. We need to stop with the jokes that would make their little hearts wonder if they are a mistake. And when a new little person is preparing to make their way into the family, our other children should see this as a wonderful thing by the way we talk about it.
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Every child is a gift. I want all children I have and interact with to know that through my attitude and words.
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#expectantbook #pregnancy #Christcenteredpregnancy #motherhood #childrenareagift
For the past few years I’ve had a word or phrase For the past few years I’ve had a word or phrase for the year, and each time I’ve marveled at how perfectly they have summed up what I needed to learn or focus on. As I was thinking and praying about a theme for 2021, there was one word that kept coming to mind: hope.
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At first I kept mentally pushing it aside, wanting something that was more unique or creative. But when I paused to ponder this word a bit more, it became very clear that this would be the right word for 2021.
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We need to be reminded again and again where true hope lies: in Jesus. It can be tempting to place our hope in a new year (especially after 2020), in our goals and dreams, in other people, in experiences, or anything else. But at some point these will all fall short. Jesus is the only one who will never fail us. He is our Living Hope, our Risen King who conquered death and redeemed us from it. No matter what is ahead—good or bad—in this year or this life, we have a perfect eternity awaiting us in His presence. We can’t see it all now, but one day it will all be sight.
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“For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” - Romans 8:24-25
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Friends, because Jesus is our hope the best is yet to come.
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#hope #2021 #lookingtoJesus #livinghope #Jesusplusnothing #Christcenteredlife
Write a book (or another one). Start a podcast. Bl Write a book (or another one).
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Blog regularly.
Start your own ministry.
Look for speaking opportunities.
Come up with more products and resources.
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#motherhood #eternalinvestment #Christcenteredmotherhood #pregnancy #writing
//So when I fight, I’ll fight on my knees With m //So when I fight, I’ll fight on my knees
With my hands lifted high
Oh, God, the battle belongs to you
Every fear I’ll lay at your feet 
I’ll sing through the night
Oh, God, the battle belongs to you//
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#battlebelongs #lookingtoJesus
“To be loved well and to be known completely by “To be loved well and to be known completely by one is far more fulfilling than being adored by many and truly known by none.” - Gary Thomas
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We have such an incredible opportunity to love, cherish, and champion our spouse in such a way that displays the beauty of the Gospel to this world. In a time when marriage is treated so flippantly, let’s live it out by God’s grace in the way He intends it to be.
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#marriage #sacredmarriage #Christcenteredmarriage #husbandandwife
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