Heather Cofer

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Pregnancy and Fear

25 Mar

The following post is an excerpt from my book Expectant: Cultivating a Vision for Christ-Centered Pregnancy. For all you pregnant mamas, I pray this will be an encouragement from my heart to yours.

The temptation to take fear’s bait is ever present for an expectant mom.

Should I be having that pain?
I don’t feel as nauseated today—does that mean something?
When was the last time I felt him kick?
Do I have what it takes to care for more than one child?
What if something goes wrong during labor?
What if I go into labor right here, right now?!?

Something is stirred in a mother’s heart for the child she’s carrying: God-given love and a ferocious instinct to protect this child at any cost. So much is out of Mom’s control when a little one is developing inside her womb, and often all she can do is wait. And pray. And wait some more. In these times of waiting, thinking, and preparing, the temptation to fear can be around any turn. The enemy of our souls knows that a mother is so vulnerable and susceptible to fear if she’s not constantly on guard against it.

Generally speaking, God created women to be more expressive emotionally than men. This trait can add depth and richness to our lives and the lives of our families. However, problems arise when we have a difficult time keeping our emotions under control. This is especially hard when we’re undergoing hormonal changes, and it is all too easy, commonplace even, to excuse the occasional emotional outburst during pregnancy. But you will find no place in Scripture that excuses us to act upon any fleshly instinct we may have, no matter what the situation. 

We are called to “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him” (Colossians 1:10). Whenever we are tempted to be sullen, grumpy, frustrated, irritable, anxious, or given to self-pity, we need to stop and ask ourselves, Will acting this way be fully pleasing to the Lord? If the answer is no, then it’s something we can’t give in to. Of course, in and of our own strength, it’s impossible not to give in to wrong emotions at some level. Believe me, I know this from personal experience. We may be able to fight them for a while, but there will come a point when we’ll cave under pressure and act on them. 

But this is where the beautiful, transforming power of the gospel comes in! Scripture says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3 ). In Christ, you and I do have everything we need to speak, act, and think in a way that brings glory to God. Our job is to believe that His grace is with us, even if our emotions are telling us something else. When we submit our emotional lives to the Holy Spirit’s control, He will give us everything we need to walk in a manner that glorifies Him.

I battled the stronghold of fear through much of my childhood. I began having panic attacks when I was seven years old, and I felt physically ill any time I even thought of anything bad that might happen to me or someone I loved. But shortly after I was married, the Lord really began to deal with this area of my life. And by His grace, I was able to surrender my fears to Him. This was a process of daily speaking truth to myself and choosing to walk in the promises in Scripture rather than giving in to feelings of fear as they came (2 Timothy 1:7).

I experienced so much freedom as a result, and I praise Him for that! What I didn’t realize, however, was that with children would come a whole new level of sanctification and transformation in this area. I had no idea just how strongly the battle would rage within my mind and heart between seemingly overwhelming fear and the rock-solid truth of God’s Word.

Most of us are familiar with these verses and others like them:

Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me (Psalm 23:4). 

But do we actually take their “no fear” message to heart? How often do we practically apply these truths to our everyday lives? So often we treat these passages as lovely poetry or true in principle, but when it comes down to it, many of us don’t truly believe these promises apply in our situation. When fear comes knocking at your nursery door, do you immediately take the thought captive and make it obedient to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5)? Or do you surrender to the anxiety that so easily entangles as it wreaks havoc on your heart and mind (Proverbs 29:25; Hebrews 12:1)? 

Looking back on my journey, I can identify several key moments when the choice lay before me: Was I going to trust my feelings or my God? Fear might have felt like the logical response to my circumstances, but I knew in the deepest part of my being that if I looked to the Lord, I would find the freedom from fear He promises. I also knew that if I did choose the path of fear, I was basically saying that I didn’t really believe what God says in His Word. 

I can tell you from personal experience that if you choose to trust God, He will come through every time. But it’s not always easy. In fact, it sometimes feels as though you’re having to fight against everything your mind and body are telling you to do. At such times, reach out to the Lord. Cling to Him and ask for His help, for He is always faithful. 

Your friend,

Expectant will be releasing May 4 2020, and is now available for pre-order on Kindle

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As I watch the happenings in this world I have an As I watch the happenings in this world I have an ever-increasing ache—a yearning—to be known first and foremost by my allegiance to Jesus Christ.

As I read headlines, hot takes, opinions, debates between fellow believers—praying and seeking to learn and discern—I’m more certain than ever that being a Christian frees us from being defined by or confined to earthly labels in our stances on any given issue. We’re free to champion what God champions, to despise what God despises regardless of how it might be viewed by those around us or what political lines it might cross. We’re free to love those who differ from us, and yes, even free to love those who do us wrong. 

I have strong opinions and thoughts about certain issues—no doubt about it. I disagree with certain thoughts or opinions fellow believers hold. But what I want those brothers and sisters to know about me *first* is that I love them, not how I might disagree with them. Yes, there’s a place to discuss, to sharpen one another, to exhort and encourage, to warn and even to rebuke at times when we see fellow believers straying from Christ. But the world is supposed to know us by our love for each other, not our debates and conflicts. This should temper the “what,” “how,” and “when” of every conversation. 

Some of us are called to stand more publicly against certain evils and injustices than others. We should expect the best of those who aren’t doing or saying exactly what we’re doing or saying (*especially* if we’re defining them by their lack of words on social media. There are faithful Christians who will never say a word about current issues online, but are obeying in word and deed in their in-person spheres). That said, this should *never* be used as an excuse to neglect the actions and words that every Christ-follower must be marked by according to Scripture. And when we find ourselves hesitating to obey any of God’s commands due to another allegiance something needs to change.

Lord, may your people be defined not by causes, but by Christ; not by worldly labels, but by you alone.
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#lookingtoJesus #thegospelchangeseverything #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant the past few days. I snipped and propagated it from a stunning outdoor hanging plant we had a couple years ago after it scorched in the intense CO sun. After weeks of daily watching I finally saw the roots appear, and replanted it. Fuchsia is special to me, because it’s one of the plants that beautified our windowsills in Mongolia throughout our years there. I love having one in our home.

Recently, though, did a little trimming of this plant. I noticed there were a couple of overly flourishing sprigs; they were so long they were keeping the little plant from filling out. So, as much as I hated to do it, I clipped them off. To my delight, brand new leaves began appearing within days all over the plant.

Why has this been on my mind?  Because it reminded me that sometimes—in order for us to flourish—we need to clip back areas in our lives that are zapping growth. It’s often a painful decision, because they’re usually pastimes or vocations we love. But we know in order to direct time and energy toward our God-given priorities we need to do a little clipping of those gangly offshoots. Although we feel bare for a time, it doesn’t take long for the evidence of growth and life to show itself where it was much needed. 

And guess what? Those clipped offshoots are sitting in a jar in the kitchen, waiting to sprout new roots. They aren’t gone forever, just being prepped to produce life rather than zap it. Sometimes branches do need to be clipped and tossed. Other times they just need to be propagated—waiting for new roots to grow so they can grow and flourish at the right time in the right way.

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2
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#lookingtoJesus #plants #Christcenteredwomanhood #fuchsia #ponderings #lessonseverywhere
//Well, it’s all an adventure That comes with a //Well, it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you//

The incredible @frostedphotographer took some headshots for us, and she said, “Do you want to snap a few together?” Yes, please. 😍😍😍

Forever thankful for the gift of a life adventure with this man.
//Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Su //Summer and winter and
springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their
courses above,
Join with all nature in 
manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness,
mercy, and love//
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#greatisthyfaithfulness #lookingtoJesus #springtime
“Being like Jesus” will never contradict the r “Being like Jesus” will never contradict the rest of Scripture.

Several times as of late I’ve read or heard examples of people using stories of Jesus from the gospels to back up an argument about accepting sin of some kind. They say that if His followers are going to be like Him they need to follow His example—His example by their interpretation, that is.

But the narratives told of Jesus in the Gospels will *never* contradict the specific commands Christ-followers are given in the rest of the New Testament. Jesus never justified a sin we’re commanded to repent of. A sinful attitude never laced His words, no matter how matter-of-fact His rebukes were. Jesus is the Word made flesh. He will never go against His character or commands for His people.

We can be hard-line on sin while being gentle and kind. We can show compassion without compromising truth. We can be loving while holding fast to biblical convictions. We can, and we must.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Changing Him in any way for our own gain—whether that’s for fleshly gratification or out of fear of others—is making a Jesus in our image. This is a Jesus who cannot save. 

But we have a Jesus who *can* save, who needs no re-making. May we, by His grace, be ever-conforming to Him.
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#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #truth #love #Jesusislife
“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influenc “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” 
-Billy Graham

I know without a doubt this is true of my mom. This side of heaven I’ll have no idea what depths her godly influence and faithfulness has had upon me as a wife, mom, and woman in any sphere. I will never forget her telling us, “I’m so thankful I get to spend my days with you.” To have the assurance we were loved and enjoyed on top of all she did for our physical needs was a priceless gift. And, as I prepared to enter into adulthood she not only mentored me, but invited me into friendship with her. There aren’t words to sum up that kind of honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thank you for being willing to love and follow Jesus in whatever He’s asked of you. There is nothing greater you could’ve given to us. I love you.
“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was be “My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:15-16

At the end of every baby book I make for my kids I include a picture of their ultrasound next to a picture of them at a year old. I want them to have no doubt that they have been loved dearly from the moment we found out about them, before we could see them with our own eyes. I want them to know that their lives are gifts, and always have been. I want them to know that every bit of morning sickness, every ache and pain, every labor and delivery, every sleepless night, every urgent care trip, every tear shed, every penny spent, every pursuit that’s been put on hold, every extra mess, every lingering effect on my body are beyond worth it for the privilege of being their mama. For the kiddos who were a surprise to us, I want them to know God knew infinitely better than we did the timing for another child, filling our lives with delight. I want to combat any lie that the enemy and the world that would tell them they’re an inconvenience, a hindrance, a “Plan B,” with assurances of my love and—more importantly—God’s love and perfect plan for them.

I want my children to know I wouldn’t trade them for any career, any worldly accolades, any convenience, any fortune, any temporary ease. They have been used by God as tools to reveal and root out sin, to flood my weakness with the grace of God, to increase my joy. 

On this Mother’s Day weekend, I just want to say: thank you, Lord, for the undeserved gift of my children.
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#gratefulmama #mothersday #childrenareagift #fearfullyandwonderfullymade
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