Heather Cofer

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Pregnancy and Fear

25 Mar

The following post is an excerpt from my book Expectant: Cultivating a Vision for Christ-Centered Pregnancy. For all you pregnant mamas, I pray this will be an encouragement from my heart to yours.

The temptation to take fear’s bait is ever present for an expectant mom.

Should I be having that pain?
I don’t feel as nauseated today—does that mean something?
When was the last time I felt him kick?
Do I have what it takes to care for more than one child?
What if something goes wrong during labor?
What if I go into labor right here, right now?!?

Something is stirred in a mother’s heart for the child she’s carrying: God-given love and a ferocious instinct to protect this child at any cost. So much is out of Mom’s control when a little one is developing inside her womb, and often all she can do is wait. And pray. And wait some more. In these times of waiting, thinking, and preparing, the temptation to fear can be around any turn. The enemy of our souls knows that a mother is so vulnerable and susceptible to fear if she’s not constantly on guard against it.

Generally speaking, God created women to be more expressive emotionally than men. This trait can add depth and richness to our lives and the lives of our families. However, problems arise when we have a difficult time keeping our emotions under control. This is especially hard when we’re undergoing hormonal changes, and it is all too easy, commonplace even, to excuse the occasional emotional outburst during pregnancy. But you will find no place in Scripture that excuses us to act upon any fleshly instinct we may have, no matter what the situation. 

We are called to “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him” (Colossians 1:10). Whenever we are tempted to be sullen, grumpy, frustrated, irritable, anxious, or given to self-pity, we need to stop and ask ourselves, Will acting this way be fully pleasing to the Lord? If the answer is no, then it’s something we can’t give in to. Of course, in and of our own strength, it’s impossible not to give in to wrong emotions at some level. Believe me, I know this from personal experience. We may be able to fight them for a while, but there will come a point when we’ll cave under pressure and act on them. 

But this is where the beautiful, transforming power of the gospel comes in! Scripture says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3 ). In Christ, you and I do have everything we need to speak, act, and think in a way that brings glory to God. Our job is to believe that His grace is with us, even if our emotions are telling us something else. When we submit our emotional lives to the Holy Spirit’s control, He will give us everything we need to walk in a manner that glorifies Him.

I battled the stronghold of fear through much of my childhood. I began having panic attacks when I was seven years old, and I felt physically ill any time I even thought of anything bad that might happen to me or someone I loved. But shortly after I was married, the Lord really began to deal with this area of my life. And by His grace, I was able to surrender my fears to Him. This was a process of daily speaking truth to myself and choosing to walk in the promises in Scripture rather than giving in to feelings of fear as they came (2 Timothy 1:7).

I experienced so much freedom as a result, and I praise Him for that! What I didn’t realize, however, was that with children would come a whole new level of sanctification and transformation in this area. I had no idea just how strongly the battle would rage within my mind and heart between seemingly overwhelming fear and the rock-solid truth of God’s Word.

Most of us are familiar with these verses and others like them:

Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me (Psalm 23:4). 

But do we actually take their “no fear” message to heart? How often do we practically apply these truths to our everyday lives? So often we treat these passages as lovely poetry or true in principle, but when it comes down to it, many of us don’t truly believe these promises apply in our situation. When fear comes knocking at your nursery door, do you immediately take the thought captive and make it obedient to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5)? Or do you surrender to the anxiety that so easily entangles as it wreaks havoc on your heart and mind (Proverbs 29:25; Hebrews 12:1)? 

Looking back on my journey, I can identify several key moments when the choice lay before me: Was I going to trust my feelings or my God? Fear might have felt like the logical response to my circumstances, but I knew in the deepest part of my being that if I looked to the Lord, I would find the freedom from fear He promises. I also knew that if I did choose the path of fear, I was basically saying that I didn’t really believe what God says in His Word. 

I can tell you from personal experience that if you choose to trust God, He will come through every time. But it’s not always easy. In fact, it sometimes feels as though you’re having to fight against everything your mind and body are telling you to do. At such times, reach out to the Lord. Cling to Him and ask for His help, for He is always faithful. 

Your friend,

Expectant will be releasing May 4 2020, and is now available for pre-order on Kindle

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Melody and harmony. I was listening to a one of m Melody and harmony.

I was listening to a one of my favorite artists recently, delighting in their musical beauty. At one point the voice that usually sings harmony sang part of the melody instead, strongly and skillfully; and in that moment it dawned on me:

You have to first know a melody to sing it’s harmony.

Melody and harmony have differences in their notes, but a true harmony will enhance the melody, not fight with it. And they must work perfectly with one another—otherwise it goes from stunning to cringe-worthy in moments.

In the world today there are lots of movements and worldviews and organizations that are being proclaimed as harmonious with the melody of the Gospel (according to the Bible). In reality, though, they aren’t. Maybe if someone doesn’t truly know gospel these could pass as harmonious. Or, if someone tweaks the melody or chooses to ignore the sharp or flat notes, you could say they sound good together. Sometimes, yes, they sound like they fit for a few notes before going wonky. But those who are intent on being faithful to knowing and enhancing the melody—the *true* melody—will not be fooled. The dissonance will be apparent, even if subtle, and won’t be claimed as harmonious for long.

But those ministries and movements who *are* truly harmonious with the melody of the gospel are beautifully obvious. They are working to advance the Kingdom on earth in a way that enhances the tried and true refrain of God’s story. They do not need to tweak what the Bible says; they join with countless voices that have been singing for ages and generations past to harmonize with what always has been and always will be the most beautiful anthem of truth.

May our lives alway be in genuine harmony with the melody of the gospel.
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#pondering #truth #harmony #melody #lookingtoJesus #thegospel #Christcenteredliving #Christcenteredwomanhood #music
It’s been almost one year since the launch of th It’s been almost one year since the launch of this book—how is that possible?! It’s been a joy-filled process, and one full of learning curves. The Lord has displayed His faithfulness and kindness many times over as I’ve received encouragement and messages from those of you who have read it and been blessed by it. Praise Him!
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One of my hopes and prayers has been that there would be 1000 copies out in the world by its first birthday. It would be quite a stretch at this point, but if you’ve been considering buying this for yourself or someone else, now would be the perfect time to do so (the link is in my bio). 
Or, if you have read the book and were blessed by it, would you consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads? This goes a long way in helping it become more visible to expectant mamas who would be encouraged by the message in its pages (marketing is *not* my thing, guys, but my husband tells me it’s still important 😉).
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Thank you, thank you to each one of you who have bought the book, shared it with others, and left reviews. I know the Lord can be trusted to get this book into the hands of every person who need a fresh reminder to look to Him in the season of pregnancy.
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Also: stay tuned for a fun giveaway coming up to celebrate the one year mark! 🥳
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#expectant #pregnancy #Christcenteredpregnancy #expectantbook #pregnancyresource #oneyear
Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a heart that has been transformed by our Savior. No rules, no self-effort can make us pure, only Jesus can. And, praise Him: He can!
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(Newest blog post ‘Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”’ at the link in my bio)
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#lookingtoJesus #purity #thegospelchangeseverything #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #Christcenteredwomanhood #family #Christianfamily #love #biblicallove #sanctification #graceupongrace #Jesusplusnothing
True purity can only be an outflow of a heart that True purity can only be an outflow of a heart that has been purified by the shed blood of Christ. When kids grow up hearing only about outward rules rather than inward transformation, they will certainly grow disillusioned. They will quickly realize as they face the reality of their sexual brokenness that the only way to maintain this outward facade is to be hypocritical, because their hearts have not been changed. And eventually they may throw it all out, because they have been relying on their own effort rather than the hope of the gospel. But when kids are taught to love God first and foremost—when He becomes their passion and pursuit—this is where they will gain a solid foundation and framework on which their theology of purity will stand fast.

New post on the blog! Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”

Link to full post in bio. 💕
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#ontheblog #purity #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #sexualpurity #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #bloggersofinstagram #Christianblog #womanhoodblog #love #legalism
In the days before Easter I was reading the events In the days before Easter I was reading the events leading up to and surrounding Jesus’ death. In Luke 22:31-32, while Jesus is having His last supper with his disciples, he says this to Peter,

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail...”

Is there anything Jesus could have said or done that demonstrates the power of prayer more clearly than this?

Jesus could’ve flat out rebuked Satan. He could’ve just said, “No, you can’t have him.” And Satan would’ve had to submit. But what did Jesus do? He prayed, setting us an example, and in the process made a significant statement about how effectual prayer truly is.

How often do we neglect prayer to try other means of fixing problems? How often do we worry when we could simply bring our cares to Him? How often do we turn to human solutions rather than turning to our Almighty, all-knowing, all-loving Heavenly Father?

I want to be more quick to follow the example of my Savior; to trust that if God says He hears, He hears, and acts on our behalf. I want to make the statement with my lips and life that my hope is ultimately in God, not in myself or any other place.

May prayer be our first turn, today and every day.
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#lookingtoJesus #prayer #theBible #Christcenteredwomanhood
Feeling extra-thankful for this sister-in-love tod Feeling extra-thankful for this sister-in-love today. She brought her first child into the world earlier this week under some scary circumstances, and is now walking through her first days of motherhood with her tiny son in the NICU.

I’m so proud of her and her husband as they cling to the Lord and display such peace in Him.

Please pray for my precious nephew and his parents as they come to mind; that his little body would heal, that his lungs would grow strong, and that they would be able to bring him home soon.
Several weeks ago some dear friends and a family m Several weeks ago some dear friends and a family member experienced really scary scenarios on the same day, both of which could have ended badly; fatally. I praise God that both situations had relief-worthy outcomes, but it got me thinking about the question that so many grapple with:

How could a loving God let bad things happen to good people?

It struck me afresh—we as Christians have the only answer that holds true, eternal hope.

To understand, though, we have to start at the beginning.

God made us and this world, sinless and whole. He could have created us without a choice to love and obey Him—essentially like robots—but being made in His image, He gave us a choice. And we disobeyed. Sin and suffering entered the world because of *us,* not because of God.

And God, being perfectly just, could have rightly allowed us to suffer the eternal punishment for our rebellion against Him. But: He is also perfectly loving. And His justice and love were displayed by taking the punishment for our sin upon Himself. Jesus died in our place, then defeated sin and death by rising again.

Now, anyone who believes in Him is invited into this eternal hope through Jesus. We’re welcomed into His righteousness, giving us something far greater to anticipate beyond this life. The sin and suffering in this broken world are not the end for the followers of Jesus. We have glory awaiting us that will far outweigh even the deepest of suffering we experience now (Romans 8:18). 

When we understand the Gospel, does it diminish the pain here and now? No. But it moves us from the first question to this one:

//Amazing love, how can it be, 
that you, my King, would die for me?//

Because we have a loving God, sin, suffering, and sorrow don’t have the final say. Grief and death will be swallowed in victory. And one day, we’ll experience that resolution in God’s loving, perfect, presence forever and ever. We have hope.
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#lookingtoJesus #ponderings #thegospelchangeseverything
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