Heather Cofer

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Are We Different? Because We Should Be

9 Jul

Maybe I’m the only one, but I’ve noticed a fairly significant amount of mixed opinions milling around on the interwebs these days…

Actually, I know I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. I’m not that old, but I certainly can’t remember a time where so much has been openly (and hotly) debated, and no matter what you do or don’t do – say or don’t say – there is someone who is going to disagree with you. 

Now, I know that as a Christian there are many who will disagree with us who aren’t believers. That doesn’t surprise me one bit. But what has been the most saddening to me in all of this is seeing the amount of criticism and arguing happening amongst those who claim the name of Christ. I’m not talking about discussion; I’m talking all-out verbal battles, filled with anger, sarcasm, and open jabs. And… it’s often about things that aren’t clearly laid out in Scripture as necessarily right or wrong. In fact, I can often see why both sides are thinking the way they are.

It’s gotten me doing lots of thinking and praying and seeking the Lord on how we should be handling these topics as believers, both personally and with one another. I’m not going to be specific about the issues, because I’m quite certain you’ll be able to fill those in on your own. But I do want to encourage us to approach these topics not like the world, but how we are called to approach them according to the Word. 

Principles Vs. Methods

I’ve talked about this in other posts, but it’s worth sharing again in this context. There are certain principles in Scripture that are non-negotiable for the Christian: Loving and obeying God, loving our neighbor, forgiving, being humble, being kind, being hospitable, caring for the poor, and so on. But the way (or method) these are lived out might differ (sometimes significantly) from person to person. 

For example, for the past five years we’ve rented our basement to a number of Christian ladies in our community, which has been one of the opportunities we’ve had to practice life-on-life hospitality. But if I went around telling everyone that in order to practice hospitality it had to mean ladies living in the basement, that would be… well, downright wrong. Why? Because God might be asking them to practice hospitality in a different way. They may not even have a basement in the first place! And if they did, God might be asking something else of them for that space. 

This might be an extreme example, but it’s not too far off from some of the things I’ve been seeing out there lately. Believers are, in essence, calling out other believer’s words or lack thereof as sin because it looks different than how they feel called to act, not because it’s clear in the Bible that it’s a sin. We have to be so, so careful that we’re not quick to judge someone’s heart simply because it what they are doing looks different than how we would do something.

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart.
(Proverbs 21:2)

This doesn’t mean there is never a time or a place to discuss differences, or to challenge the thinking of a brother or sister in Christ – there most certainly is, particularly when we feel that their words or actions are infringing on those non-negotiable principles. But it must be marked by humility, love, kindness, and a willingness to hear the other out. It must be with a desire to bring greater love and unity, not just to be right. 

What are Christians to be Marked By?

This leads me to my next point: what character traits Christians are to be marked by. I’ll let the Bible speak for itself here. 

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
(Ephesians 4:1-3)

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.”
(Philippians 2:14-15)

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” 
(Colossians 3:12-14)

“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”
(Proverbs 15:18)

“It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife,
but every fool will be quarreling.”
(Proverbs 20:3)

The way we interact with both believers and unbelievers should look distinctly different than how the world interacts with each other. Jesus said “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” (Luke 6:27-28) This is a radical shift from the self-exalting, score-settling, insult-hurling culture we live in.

 Our biblical convictions should be strong. We should be bold to speak the truth. We should be willing to confront when necessary and exhort our fellow believers to stand firm in the faith. But it should always, always be done in love and with patience. It is these traits that will usually be the difference between causing more division or achieving greater unity.

“With patience a ruler may be persuaded,
and a soft tongue will break a bone.”
(Proverbs 25:15)

“The wise of heart is called discerning,
and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”
(Proverbs 16:21)

Face-to-Face

And one last thing: Judah and I have found it to be so helpful to wait to discuss these difficult and often-divisive topics in person, if at all possible. There is so much that is left to personal interpretation when words are being read: tone of voice, attitude, facial expressions, etc. You might picture someone yelling when in reality they are “speaking” calmly. In-person conversations are usually far more productive for that reason. This also provides the ability to dialogue real-time without a hundred other people chiming in (if you’re discussing something “publicly” on social media). 

If face-to-face isn’t possible, the next best thing is a phone call. And, sometimes, it really is the right thing to engage with someone in writing on these hard topics, either privately or in the public sphere. But we just need to remember that, generally speaking, it will be more difficult to achieve the goal of bringing greater unity to these tricky and sensitive topics in that manner.

Because, again, there truly is a time and place to discuss these hard things. It’s just how and when. This requires wisdom from God, which He is always faithful to provide abundantly when we ask Him (James 1:5). 

———-

Friends, nothing is impossible with God. He can bring clarity and unity to the hardest of subjects. He can put love in our hearts for people we don’t agree with. He can give us humility and forgiveness when someone has wrongly accused us. And He can help us – His redeemed people – to be unified on those things that truly matter the most. Because of His indwelling Spirit, we can live in this world in a way that brings honor and glory to God in everything we do and say. 

Lord, help us represent you well to a world so desperately in need of you. In Jesus’ Name I pray, amen. 

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Comments

  1. Terry Covey says

    July 10, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    Heather, This is such a good post. Our family has been discussing this for several months now and are burdened by how it’s saturating our Christian culture. Where is the Love? I have stopped posting on social media in order to ponder my ways and understand how to speak to my sisters in Christ – how to love well. I just wrote to one of my sisters this morning to exhort her to remember Romans 2:4. I pray that I can reach out in love rather than harshness. If we use God’s principles for reaching a man’s heart we can trust Him to provide a better outcome.
    Thanks for your wise words!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 10, 2020 at 4:47 pm

      Yes, I think it’s a common burden many believers are sharing. So thankful it was an encouragement.

      Reply

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As I watch the happenings in this world I have an As I watch the happenings in this world I have an ever-increasing ache—a yearning—to be known first and foremost by my allegiance to Jesus Christ.

As I read headlines, hot takes, opinions, debates between fellow believers—praying and seeking to learn and discern—I’m more certain than ever that being a Christian frees us from being defined by or confined to earthly labels in our stances on any given issue. We’re free to champion what God champions, to despise what God despises regardless of how it might be viewed by those around us or what political lines it might cross. We’re free to love those who differ from us, and yes, even free to love those who do us wrong. 

I have strong opinions and thoughts about certain issues—no doubt about it. I disagree with certain thoughts or opinions fellow believers hold. But what I want those brothers and sisters to know about me *first* is that I love them, not how I might disagree with them. Yes, there’s a place to discuss, to sharpen one another, to exhort and encourage, to warn and even to rebuke at times when we see fellow believers straying from Christ. But the world is supposed to know us by our love for each other, not our debates and conflicts. This should temper the “what,” “how,” and “when” of every conversation. 

Some of us are called to stand more publicly against certain evils and injustices than others. We should expect the best of those who aren’t doing or saying exactly what we’re doing or saying (*especially* if we’re defining them by their lack of words on social media. There are faithful Christians who will never say a word about current issues online, but are obeying in word and deed in their in-person spheres). That said, this should *never* be used as an excuse to neglect the actions and words that every Christ-follower must be marked by according to Scripture. And when we find ourselves hesitating to obey any of God’s commands due to another allegiance something needs to change.

Lord, may your people be defined not by causes, but by Christ; not by worldly labels, but by you alone.
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#lookingtoJesus #thegospelchangeseverything #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant the past few days. I snipped and propagated it from a stunning outdoor hanging plant we had a couple years ago after it scorched in the intense CO sun. After weeks of daily watching I finally saw the roots appear, and replanted it. Fuchsia is special to me, because it’s one of the plants that beautified our windowsills in Mongolia throughout our years there. I love having one in our home.

Recently, though, did a little trimming of this plant. I noticed there were a couple of overly flourishing sprigs; they were so long they were keeping the little plant from filling out. So, as much as I hated to do it, I clipped them off. To my delight, brand new leaves began appearing within days all over the plant.

Why has this been on my mind?  Because it reminded me that sometimes—in order for us to flourish—we need to clip back areas in our lives that are zapping growth. It’s often a painful decision, because they’re usually pastimes or vocations we love. But we know in order to direct time and energy toward our God-given priorities we need to do a little clipping of those gangly offshoots. Although we feel bare for a time, it doesn’t take long for the evidence of growth and life to show itself where it was much needed. 

And guess what? Those clipped offshoots are sitting in a jar in the kitchen, waiting to sprout new roots. They aren’t gone forever, just being prepped to produce life rather than zap it. Sometimes branches do need to be clipped and tossed. Other times they just need to be propagated—waiting for new roots to grow so they can grow and flourish at the right time in the right way.

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2
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#lookingtoJesus #plants #Christcenteredwomanhood #fuchsia #ponderings #lessonseverywhere
//Well, it’s all an adventure That comes with a //Well, it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you//

The incredible @frostedphotographer took some headshots for us, and she said, “Do you want to snap a few together?” Yes, please. 😍😍😍

Forever thankful for the gift of a life adventure with this man.
//Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Su //Summer and winter and
springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their
courses above,
Join with all nature in 
manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness,
mercy, and love//
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#greatisthyfaithfulness #lookingtoJesus #springtime
“Being like Jesus” will never contradict the r “Being like Jesus” will never contradict the rest of Scripture.

Several times as of late I’ve read or heard examples of people using stories of Jesus from the gospels to back up an argument about accepting sin of some kind. They say that if His followers are going to be like Him they need to follow His example—His example by their interpretation, that is.

But the narratives told of Jesus in the Gospels will *never* contradict the specific commands Christ-followers are given in the rest of the New Testament. Jesus never justified a sin we’re commanded to repent of. A sinful attitude never laced His words, no matter how matter-of-fact His rebukes were. Jesus is the Word made flesh. He will never go against His character or commands for His people.

We can be hard-line on sin while being gentle and kind. We can show compassion without compromising truth. We can be loving while holding fast to biblical convictions. We can, and we must.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Changing Him in any way for our own gain—whether that’s for fleshly gratification or out of fear of others—is making a Jesus in our image. This is a Jesus who cannot save. 

But we have a Jesus who *can* save, who needs no re-making. May we, by His grace, be ever-conforming to Him.
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#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #truth #love #Jesusislife
“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influenc “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” 
-Billy Graham

I know without a doubt this is true of my mom. This side of heaven I’ll have no idea what depths her godly influence and faithfulness has had upon me as a wife, mom, and woman in any sphere. I will never forget her telling us, “I’m so thankful I get to spend my days with you.” To have the assurance we were loved and enjoyed on top of all she did for our physical needs was a priceless gift. And, as I prepared to enter into adulthood she not only mentored me, but invited me into friendship with her. There aren’t words to sum up that kind of honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thank you for being willing to love and follow Jesus in whatever He’s asked of you. There is nothing greater you could’ve given to us. I love you.
“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was be “My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:15-16

At the end of every baby book I make for my kids I include a picture of their ultrasound next to a picture of them at a year old. I want them to have no doubt that they have been loved dearly from the moment we found out about them, before we could see them with our own eyes. I want them to know that their lives are gifts, and always have been. I want them to know that every bit of morning sickness, every ache and pain, every labor and delivery, every sleepless night, every urgent care trip, every tear shed, every penny spent, every pursuit that’s been put on hold, every extra mess, every lingering effect on my body are beyond worth it for the privilege of being their mama. For the kiddos who were a surprise to us, I want them to know God knew infinitely better than we did the timing for another child, filling our lives with delight. I want to combat any lie that the enemy and the world that would tell them they’re an inconvenience, a hindrance, a “Plan B,” with assurances of my love and—more importantly—God’s love and perfect plan for them.

I want my children to know I wouldn’t trade them for any career, any worldly accolades, any convenience, any fortune, any temporary ease. They have been used by God as tools to reveal and root out sin, to flood my weakness with the grace of God, to increase my joy. 

On this Mother’s Day weekend, I just want to say: thank you, Lord, for the undeserved gift of my children.
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#gratefulmama #mothersday #childrenareagift #fearfullyandwonderfullymade
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