Heather Cofer

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Five Lessons I’ve Learned from My Parents

23 Jul
There’s no one who can make my mom laugh as hard as my dad can.
Photo by Living Reflection Photography

This week my parents are celebrating their 33rd anniversary.

But this year, they aren’t able to celebrate together. My mom is back in CO helping my sister get ready for her wedding, and my dad is holding down the fort in their SE Asia home. And, due to all the restrictions with international travel, they’re not actually sure when they’ll see each other next. So it goes without saying, this is a unique and difficult season that they are walking through right now. Yet, it’s just another way they have demonstrated sacrificial love and service during their marriage that I have had the privilege of witnessing for 28 of those 33 years. 

I’m dedicating this blog post to sharing five lessons I’ve learned from my parents’ marriage. These lessons have been an incredible gift to me (especially in my own marriage), as I know they have been to many others as well. And now, I want to share these lesson-gifts with you, too.

1. Obedience to God is Always Worth It

My parents have demonstrated both individually and as a couple that obedience to God is a beautiful and joyful thing. There are so many examples of this, I hardly know where to start: loving unconditionally, serving faithfully, forgiving wholeheartedly, showing hospitality, embracing biblical family, moving half-way across the world… and the list goes on. They have shown that no matter what God asks of us, even if the cost is great, the reward of obedience is greater still. And I know much of that is yet to be realized when we reach eternity, but I have seen so much fruit come from their willingness to obey God and trust Him with the outcome. 

I’ll share one example that I think about almost daily. When they were first planning to move to Mongolia, lots of people voiced concerns about the fact that there was very little access to good medical care available there. “What if your children get hurt or sick?” This was certainly something they wrestled over. But when it came down to it this was (in essence) the answer they gave. “If God has called us to this place, this will be the best place for our children to be, too. He can be trusted with their lives.” We learned from a young age that God is trustworthy. And we also learned that for a parent to love Him above all else – even their kids – is the very best thing they can do for their children. 

They’ve done an amazing job of allowing obedience to God, both theirs and other’s, to be defined by Scripture. I’ve been asked if I feel pressure to have as many kids as they had or to go overseas because that’s what my parents have done, and the answer is a resounding ‘no.’ They know and have always encouraged us that as long as we are loving God with all our hearts, loving others, and serious about practicing those other principles that are commanded in Scripture, the ways those can be lived out will be varied from person to person. We have their blessing to joyfully obey God wherever He puts us and in whatever He’s asking of us.

2. Love is Fueled by Commitment 

Just as in any marriage, my parents have faced challenges and had to overcome relational hurdles with one another. They’ve walked through many kinds of storms that have the potential to break apart a marriage. But both of them have demonstrated that they are staunchly committed to one another by God’s grace, and that that commitment has cultivated greater and greater love for one another. When commitment is the foundation of love, there is safety to work through conflict, to be vulnerable, and to be sanctified without fear of rejection.

My parents have shown me that when two people are committed to loving one another out of obedience to the Lord, their love grows more precious with time. Because both of them have been more concerned that they personally are doing the right thing before God, they have been blessed and strengthened to become a picture of what He can do with two people who simply desire to obey Him. 

3. God-defined Roles are Good

We live in a world where biblical husband/wife roles are frowned upon and even rejected altogether. This mindset is, sadly, finding its way into the church in some places, too. However, when someone has witnessed a beautiful example of a husband and wife embracing those God-given roles (as I have), it’s not so easy to reject the idea that there is something better than what the world has to offer.

My dad has led my mom and our family with strength, humility, love, and integrity. My mom has embraced her role as my dad’s helper with joy, wisdom, grace, and vision. God has used them in incredible ways to serve and encourage others in His name because of their willingness to function as a biblical husband/wife team. There is no domineering. There is love and respect on both sides. There is a willingness to change and listen. Because their goal is to love God individually and together, it keeps their “mission” as a couple clear and strong: to bring glory to God.

Their example has shown me that God’s way is always the best way, even when the world is screaming otherwise. 

4. Service Brings Joy 

My parents have been the epitome of a couple that pours themselves out to love and serve others. In a world that says “think of yourself first,” my parents have instead embraced God’s command to “count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). There is so much blessing that has come from this it’s impossible to recount it all. 

I’ll share one story in this vein that still profoundly affects my life every day. About 1.5 years after Judah’s family moved to Mongolia, one of his brothers was in a very serious horse accident and had to be evacuated from the country. We didn’t know their family very well at the time, but my parents offered to care for the three other kids while his parents went with his injured brother. Judah and his two younger siblings lived with us for about a month before going to join their parents and brother, which was plenty of time for our hearts to be deeply knit together with their family (years before anything happened between Judah and I). 

That is just one of the many examples of ready and willing service my parents have had toward many, many people. They’ve shown me that serving others in Jesus’s name brings joy and blessing. They’ve demonstrated that any inconvenience service might bring is far outweighed by the privilege of being the hands and feet of Christ to others. 

5. Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

My parents have modeled and taught us that keeping our eyes on Jesus is the most important thing we can do in this life. They’ve reminded us by their lips and lives that this earth is not our ultimate home, and that Christ is our ultimate prize. They place priority on seeking God, and began encouraging us to do the same from a very young age. They helped us learn how to make decisions through the lens of God’s Word rather than the world. By their example, I learned that when God is at the center of life and worldview, our purpose becomes so much clearer. And, that when the path ahead is not perfectly outlined, there is rest in Christ – that even when we don’t understand what God is doing, He is perfectly trustworthy and will never lead us astray.

My dad is pretty outspoken about that fact that he doesn’t like the phrase, “Some people are so heavenly-minded that they’re no earthly good.” He would give us examples of how the people who have most impacted this world for good are the ones who’ve had their gaze fixed most firmly on heaven – on Christ. And his and my mom’s lives are a beautiful demonstration of that, too. 


There are thousands of other things I’ve learned from my parents, but I hope this gives you a glimpse into the essence of their lives.

Dad and Mom, I am so grateful for you. Thank you for committing your marriage (and all of your lives) to glorifying Jesus Christ. Happy Anniversary; I love you dearly.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dad says

    July 23, 2020 at 11:25 am

    Thanks so much Heather. This is a very, very special post, and I’m so grateful to God that you seen these things in us.
    I’m sure that if you had a more space to write, you would have included a few of the more obvious “headings”….such as “Kick Some Butt”, and “What the Sam Hill”. Maybe you can put those in the next post 🙂
    I love you Heather!
    Dad

    Reply
    • Heather says

      July 23, 2020 at 1:53 pm

      I love you, Dad! This is just a small way I can show my gratitude for you and mom. Miss you!

      Reply
    • Heather says

      July 26, 2020 at 5:37 am

      For some reason I couldn’t see the whole comment, but I just now read it! Haha, I’m sure I would’ve included those if I’d had the space.

      Reply
  2. Pat Simpson says

    August 17, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    Having known your parents since before they were married….I can attest to everything you’ve said about them. They share a special place in my heart. They really have “walked the talk” their whole lives. May God continue to be intimately involved in their life!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      September 14, 2020 at 7:59 pm

      How special that you’ve been able to witness their lives for so long! This is a precious testimony. Thank you for sharing!

      Reply

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This past weekend Judah and I had the immense priv This past weekend Judah and I had the immense privilege of witnessing our five-year-old daughter surrender her life to the Lord.

God has used the salvation of my children to remind me of the Gospel that will never grow old, but that too often loses its wonder in my mind’s eye. What a gift that, in a world filled with evil and upheaval, God is quietly revealing that He is at work in the lives of those most precious to me.

I’m brought back to the reality of what Christ has done on our behalf, simple enough for a child to grasp, yet so profound we’ll never understand the half of it (at least not this side of heaven).

[Read the full post from my rejoicing heart at the link in my bio💕]
I’ve been mulling on this 👆🏻. I’m sure t I’ve been mulling on this 👆🏻. I’m sure there will be a multitude of voices today, but I’m going to chance it and add a few comments to the throng.

I’ve been seeing the argument over and over by pro-abortion advocates that we cannot be truly pro-life unless we’re personally adopting every child who is in foster care, providing childcare or tuition fees for every teen mom who chooses to keep their child, or rallying for every social cause. But this is simply not true. Can we not be against human trafficking without personally going and rescuing every single victim? Can we not think sexual assault is wrong without personally investing in every person who’s experienced it? We can and must hold fast to objective truths about right and wrong according to Scripture. When God gives us opportunities to personally give of our time, resources, and energy to love and care for those who are affected by an unexpected pregnancy—whether that’s providing diapers or adopting a child—we should wholeheartedly obey. But if what God is asking of you today is to get on your knees for those babies, mamas, and daddies who are touched by an unexpected pregnancy, remember that this is no less important. God moves when His people cry out to Him in prayer.

There is also the argument floating around that Christians talk big but act little. In other words, we aren’t actually willing to step in and help the babies we’ve wanted to protect in the womb. But if you look at the statistics that’s also false. Professing Christians are far more likely to personally invest time and resources into caring for the vulnerable than the general population (take a look at Josh Howerton’s pinned thread on Twitter as a starting place). Are there those whose lives contradict their words? Of course. God has to convict all of us of hypocrisy to one degree or another. Where we’ve failed to obey we should repent. However, we shouldn’t buy the lie that *every* Christian is failing to love the vulnerable. And, we need to remember that we’re simply responsible to do what God entrusts us with today—no more, no less. 

Lord, help your people to pray faithfully, serve faithfully, and give faithfully for your glory.
I’ll never forget a number of years ago in a her I’ll never forget a number of years ago in a hermeneutics class our teacher saying, “In Ezekiel 16, do you know what sin is listed first as reasons God destroyed Sodom? Pride.”

This struck me to the core. God had been doing a significant work in my life on this very thing. I’d grown up in a Christian home, been a rule-follower, and truly did love Jesus from a young age. That said, it was hard for me to grasp the depth of my sinfulness. I didn’t have a “past” and I’d never been a trouble-maker. But in my early 20’s I began to feel an increasing desperation to know and love Jesus more. As I pressed into Him I sensed Him speaking to my heart: 

“If you want your love for me to grow you need to see what you’ve been saved from.” 

He began exposing the depth of pride and filthy self-righteousness I’d viewed as lesser evils. It was so painful, but so freeing at the same time. I knew I was no better than those who’d committed the vilest atrocities, equally in need of the blood of Christ to “cleanse [me] from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). I truly grasped the reality that not a single ounce of my own effort had contributed to my salvation. I wept over my sin and God’s mercy toward me for the first time.

So in this month that is dedicated to celebrating pride, I want to remember—remember that Jesus can transform anyone who turns to Him in repentance. Remember that Jesus “saved a wretch like me.” 
Remember that Christ gives grace to every person who humbles themselves before Him.
Remember that we are all the same at the foot of the cross.
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#lookingtoJesus #amazinggrace #pride
Our beautiful boy is 1. All the memories surround Our beautiful boy is 1. 
All the memories surrounding his birth are filling my mind and heart today.

This time last year I was in a hospital bed adjusting to the reality of our son coming a month early. I felt so weak, so weary, so unprepared to labor another child from womb to world. It looked like a C-section would be the only option after hours of unimproved heart rate dips. My midwife (whom I’d just met that day) even cried for me (how precious is that?😭). My husband and I prayed for what seemed impossible—a vaginal delivery—and in God’s mercy He chose to grant it. Although it was by far my most painful, difficult birth I was in awe that God had shown such kindness to me. I knew He saw and heard, and was glorified to answer our audacious ask. The midwife and nurse said they’d never seen a turn-around like that in all their years of practicing. 

Little buddy still needed a week in the nicu, yet the Lord revealed His gentleness at every turn—holding my tender, reeling heart in His hands. 

Then, he was home. Yet another answered prayer (they’d projected 3-4 weeks). I’ll never forget the utter joy of his siblings upon his homecoming.

God did not spare me from pain in Jack’s birth story, but instead revealed Himself faithfully and beautifully in the midst of it. When I look at Jack Lewis Cofer, I will always see a testimony of God’s lovingkindness toward me.

Happy Birthday, precious boy. You are a gift I’m unworthy, but so grateful, to steward.
Today I celebrate my dear father. To sum up what Today I celebrate my dear father.

To sum up what I’ve learned from his life would take a post much longer than the word count IG allows. But what I admire the most about him in recent years is seeing a man who consistently grows in wisdom, humility, and joy. He’s one of my favorite people in the world to have deep conversations with—encouraging me to think deeply—and pointing me back to Jesus continually. He’s lived out the declaration in Isaiah 6:8, a passage he loves: “Here I am! Send me.” No words can capture my gratitude for such a rare gift. 

I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s Father’s Day. And I wholeheartedly celebr It’s Father’s Day. And I wholeheartedly celebrate the dad of our children. 
Men of integrity, faithfulness, wisdom, repentance, and holiness are few in this world. But where they are found, it is a joy to honor them. I praise God for the one found in my own home, relentlessly fighting to fix his eyes on Jesus and obey the call on his life to love, disciple, and shepherd his family.

I adore you, @judahcofer. Happy Father’s Day.
When @naomivacaro asked me about the possibility o When @naomivacaro asked me about the possibility of coming to TGCW with her (and a nearly immediate “do it” from my husband) I was thrilled. Hands down, my favorite part was the hours and hours of time with this dear friend. It was so sweet to meet *so* many Instagram faces in-person, hear lots of messages, buy books, and drink a good deal of coffee. 

Now it’s off to my husband and little people. As they say, there’s no place like home. 💕

Until next time, Indy!
Today I decided to tackle some weeding in a sorely Today I decided to tackle some weeding in a sorely neglected spot in our yard. A couple of weeks ago I noticed a little blanket of a particular weed beginning to grow, but decided to leave it to work on something else, convincing myself it could pass as nice ground-cover while I worked on “more important” projects. 

But a couple days ago I noticed it no longer passed as ground cover.😅

As I tugged at the multitude of weeds, I pondered how unassuming and rather pretty it looks when it’s small. Whimsical, white flowers bloom along it’s vine-y tendrils. But as it grows it slowly takes over everything. It wraps itself around branches and stems, making it difficult to distinguish which is which. If you take a close look at it, it’s very structure is twisted—growing to overpower and overtake.

How like sin these little weeds are—so often seeming harmless and even a delight to the eye. We let it be, thinking it can pass as part of the scenery of our lives. But it’s whole intention is to overtake. It slowly-yet-steadily wraps itself around whatever it can get ahold of, effecting every aspect of our lives. And eventually it’ll choke the life out of us.

No matter how innocent or appealing sin appears, it needs to be dealt with like these weeds: done away with. Given no room to flourish. Pulled up by the root and tossed out with the trash. The enemy of our souls wants to keep us tending these sins, or at least tolerating them. He knows that any inch we give to sin it will take a mile, keeping us from flourishing in the abundant life of Christ we’ve been given. 

Praise God for His grace that gives us the ability to say no to sin, to deal with it ruthlessly. Apart from Him we are slaves to our sin with no hope of freedom—no desire, even, for a life outside the bondage of death. What mercy, what love found in Jesus who died to free us from “the sin which clings so closely” (Hebrews 12). 

May any facade of beauty that sin might hold wither in the face of His glory.
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#lookingtoJesus #weeding #ponderings #Christcenteredwomanhood
“Lord, tether my dreams to reality.” This has “Lord, tether my dreams to reality.”

This has been a prayer I’ve continually lifted as of late.

I, as most do, have passions and interests that fall outside my family and home sphere. I have “one day” pursuits I feel quite strongly about. And the temptation can sometimes be to skimp in the “already here” and put my best efforts into those other desires (which are good things in-and-of themselves).

But here’s the reality: 

• I have one life to live. What I choose today matters.

• God’s priorities for me are worth pursuing with my whole heart, regardless of the messages the world (and sometimes my own heart) shouts at me. Why? Because He’s my Creator and only He gets to say what’s best for my life.

• My God-given priorities *today* include (but are not limited to) loving my husband and raising, training, teaching, loving, nurturing, and protecting five little people He’s entrusted to me. I alone have been granted the privilege of being called “Mommy” by these children, and “wife” of this precious man. Any other pursuits in this season must strengthen—not hinder—these callings. And, I might add, these 6 people are a dream come true.

• Some of those future dreams/pursuits are dependent on my faithfulness here and now. Why? Because every choice today is a seed planted, a stone laid. What will these say about me 20 years from now?

• I ultimately don’t want anything other than what God wants for me. He has the right and ability to change my course as He sees fit. If He chooses to allow those other dreams to come to fruition in His time and way I’ll be thrilled. But if He takes them away, blessed be His name. 

Tethered dreams have time to mature, deepen, be refined or even changed completely with age. Tethered dreams recognize that I can’t see the beginning from the end. Tethered dreams are safe with the One who can.

Lord, tether my dreams to reality.
Your reality.
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#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood
“The triangle of truisms, of father, mother and “The triangle of truisms, of father, mother and child, cannot be destroyed; it can only destroy those civilizations which disregard it.” - G. K. Chesterton

The moral fabric of our society is being shredded to pieces right before our eyes, and the attack on the family is right at the heart of it.

Is there anything more counter-cultural we can do than hold fast to God’s design for family—a husband and wife covenanting to one another until death, bearing and raising children for the glory of God? I doubt it. This seemingly simple stand is being showered with fiery darts. The enemy of our souls would like nothing more than for believers to cave to the pressures and lies of society.

But by God’s grace, we can hold fast to this now-radical, Christ-honoring view of husbands, wives, and children. It might feel insignificant at times. But I have a feeling this obedience in regard to God’s design family is accomplishing far more than we’ll ever know this side of eternity.
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#lookingtoJesus #family #husbandsandwives #children #childrenareagift
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