Heather Cofer

  • Home
  • About
  • Recommendations
  • Products
  • Book

Can You Have a Sense of Style… and Modesty?

26 Sep

I’ve always been one to appreciate style. Maybe not style in the sense of what is “in,” but a particular sense of what I thought was beautiful. Growing up, one of my favorite things was to coordinate my clothing and accessories. I had a Veggie Tales shirt and earrings that were always worn together. On Valentine’s Day, you better believe I was decked out in hearts. Or when I wore blue, it was all blue. And every once-in-a-while I got my three younger sisters to match with me, hairstyles and all.

Now-a-days you won’t find me in hearts from head to toe, but I do still truly appreciate an outfit that is coordinated and has a sense of order and style. But I’m also very serious about dressing in a way that glorifies the Lord and reflects His life in me. I’ve thought and prayed quite a bit about how these two – modesty and style – go together. As a stay-at-home-mom, is it practical to have clothing that is pretty rather than just functional? Is it vain? Is fashionable clothing modest, or is it always worldly? I’ve also been asked some of these questions by other women who are thinking through these same things. So, here are some thoughts I’ve come to over the years of looking at God’s Word and talking with godly people that have been helpful for me in evaluating my clothing choices. 

[One little thought before I dive in: I truly hope whatever I write will be based in Scripture, and will point you back to Jesus. BUT, I don’t want you simply to take my word for it, or just “do what I do.” I strongly encourage you to seek the Lord in these things for yourself, measuring all I say against God’s Word.]

Alrighty, here we go. 

1. Modesty starts in the heart

The Bible doesn’t give detailed lists of all the pieces of clothing that are modest and all those that aren’t. But what the Bible does tell us is that modesty starts in the heart, and that the overflow of that will be reflected in our clothing choices. But just simply dressing in appropriate clothes doesn’t mean we have a heart of modesty.

Here’s a snippet from another article I wrote on modesty for Set-Apart Girl:

Simply put, true modesty is an outflow from a heart that loves God. In 1 Timothy 2, one of the core passages that speaks of modesty says, “…women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty…” (v.9 ESV). Do you see how the word “modesty” is used here? It isn’t actually describing the clothing, but the attitude that should accompany the clothing. Some translations use the word “reverence,” and in Greek it also can be a word used to describe having an awe of God. This is where modesty starts. Every piece of clothing we choose to put on should come from a deliberate choice to honor the Lord — not as a choice stemming from either selfishness or self-righteousness.

Scripture doesn’t give a long list of “dos and don’ts” in regards to what we should or shouldn’t wear. It gives principles to follow, but most of the practicals are left to us. However, it does tell us that women who truly love God and obey Him will honor Him in their outward appearance.

[ You can read the full article HERE ]

Ultimately, we should be far more concerned about what’s inside than what is outside. If we’re going to put time and attention into beautifying ourselves, it should start with the Gospel – spending time in the Word allowing the Lord to beautify us from the inside out. Then, when this comes first, we will more clearly be able to discern what kind of clothes and accessories are right and good to wear. 

2. Style itself is Amoral

I think it could be fairly easy for conservative Christians (such as myself) to subconsciously embrace the idea that just because something is currently in style it’s necessarily worldly. But I don’t believe this is true. The principle of modesty encompasses all eras. It’s not more modest to wear something that isn’t seen as stylish today just because it’s not stylish… if that makes sense. What we need to do instead when evaluating a piece of clothing is ask, “is this going to glorify God by lining up with His principles of modesty?” 

Modesty has to do with not drawing attention to yourself unnecessarily. Some of the synonyms of modest are: moderate, unpretentious, unostentatious. So, you could say one meaning of modesty is not sticking out. Wearing culturally acceptable clothing is not wrong in and of itself. It’s making sure that any particular piece of clothing is honoring to God that matters. 

There is lots of room within these bounds for personal conviction. There are many principles in Scripture that are black and white (i.e. dress in a way that glorifies the Lord), but it doesn’t say exactly what that means (i.e. wear this shirt, don’t wear that one). Each of us are responsible before the Lord to seek Him personally in regards to how He desires us to live out this call to “respectable apparel.” I know and love many godly women who fall into varying places on this. Some choose to dress more conservatively than I do, and some choose to dress less conservatively. But I see the common thread running through each of them of a desire to honor the Lord and others in their clothing choices. It’s important that we be sensitive to personal conviction when Scripture gives room for variance. 

3. God is a God of Beauty

We see, both throughout Scripture and in creation, that God is a God of beauty. It takes one glance at a garden to know this – the vast array of color and design of each flower is mind-blowing. Not to mention the rugged beauty of mountains or the breathtaking beauty of oceans. God takes delight in the tiniest and largest of details. He could have made one kind of flower, one kind of bird, one kind of landscape… but He chose to create a world overflowing with beauty of all kinds. 

In the Old Testament, we see the kind of detail He had put into His earthly dwelling places – the tabernacle and the temple. Intricate goldwork, precious stones, richly colored and embroidered curtains and clothing. Not one thing was overlooked. 

Part of being made in God’s image is having a delight in beauty, too. And one outflow of this can be found in our clothing. There is no condemnation of lovely, beautiful clothing in Scripture, only the heart that idolizes these things. The highly esteemed Proverbs 31 woman is dressed “in fine linen and purple” (v. 22), and purple was considered a “precious color.” Clothing can be another evidence of the creativity and beauty that God made us to appreciate and enjoy for His honor and glory. 

Within the bounds of a heart that desires to honor the Lord with every aspect of life, there is freedom to wear clothing that is beautiful, and even what is considered fashionable. Whether we choose to wear something that is “in” or something that “isn’t” is not the point. If it has been evaluated through the lens of a submitted and right heart before the Lord, then we can wear it with joy. If we’re not sure if a piece of clothing fits into that framework, we can ask another godly woman (or our husbands if we’re married), or simply choose not to wear it. But fear of man, whether of those more conservative or less conservative, should never drive our clothing choices. Love of God should. When this is the case, we can wear the styles we enjoy with a free heart, and He will give us sensitivity for what is the right thing to wear at the right time. 

(Note: There are times when we may be around others with differing convictions or cultures. In these circumstances it’s appropriate to put aside our preferred clothing out of love for them and the God who made them. This doesn’t mean we’re fearing them, but simply honoring them and removing a potential stumbling block or means of offense. In our freedom, we can choose to put aside our preferences to show love to another, and that is a beautiful thing, too.)

So, whether business casual or with a western flair, whether athleisure or boho, we can choose to allow what is on the outside to be a reflection of an eternally stunning reality: the life of Christ in us. We are in this world, but we are not of this world. What a privilege to be ambassadors for the Kingdom… even in the clothing we wear. 

Your friend,

Previous Post: « Of Wings and Types and Profiles (…and Cabbages and Kings)
Next Post: 20 Years: Reflections on Mongolia »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Naomi says

    September 26, 2019 at 3:30 pm

    So good Heather!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      September 26, 2019 at 6:51 pm

      Thanks, friend!

      Reply
  2. Trina Celine Cofer says

    September 30, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Good job, sweetheart, communicating truth around a controversial subject.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 3, 2019 at 4:09 am

      Thank you, Mom! I so appreciate your encouragement!

      Reply
  3. Grace says

    October 17, 2019 at 4:59 pm

    Woah I’m late with this comment, but thanks for your thoughts on this, Heather! So good!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 17, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      Thank you!!

      Reply
  4. mama bear says

    November 27, 2019 at 6:17 am

    Hi there, You’ve done a fantastic job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends.

    I am confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Subscribe

Recent Posts

  • Nothing Less
  • For The Love of—Who?
  • Flippant or Faithful? 10 Questions to Ask Ourselves When Examining a Truth Claim
  • Endless Mercy
  • Invisible Illness, The Fear of Man, and the God Who Sees

Archives

  • January 2023
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • June 2022
  • April 2022
  • December 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019

Categories

  • Christian Living
  • Christian Womanhood
  • Expectant
  • Guest Post
  • Life Stewardship
  • Marriage
  • Missions
  • Motherhood
  • Products
  • Resources
  • Uncategorized

Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Latest on Instagram

This past weekend Judah and I had the immense priv This past weekend Judah and I had the immense privilege of witnessing our five-year-old daughter surrender her life to the Lord.

God has used the salvation of my children to remind me of the Gospel that will never grow old, but that too often loses its wonder in my mind’s eye. What a gift that, in a world filled with evil and upheaval, God is quietly revealing that He is at work in the lives of those most precious to me.

I’m brought back to the reality of what Christ has done on our behalf, simple enough for a child to grasp, yet so profound we’ll never understand the half of it (at least not this side of heaven).

[Read the full post from my rejoicing heart at the link in my bio💕]
I’ve been mulling on this 👆🏻. I’m sure t I’ve been mulling on this 👆🏻. I’m sure there will be a multitude of voices today, but I’m going to chance it and add a few comments to the throng.

I’ve been seeing the argument over and over by pro-abortion advocates that we cannot be truly pro-life unless we’re personally adopting every child who is in foster care, providing childcare or tuition fees for every teen mom who chooses to keep their child, or rallying for every social cause. But this is simply not true. Can we not be against human trafficking without personally going and rescuing every single victim? Can we not think sexual assault is wrong without personally investing in every person who’s experienced it? We can and must hold fast to objective truths about right and wrong according to Scripture. When God gives us opportunities to personally give of our time, resources, and energy to love and care for those who are affected by an unexpected pregnancy—whether that’s providing diapers or adopting a child—we should wholeheartedly obey. But if what God is asking of you today is to get on your knees for those babies, mamas, and daddies who are touched by an unexpected pregnancy, remember that this is no less important. God moves when His people cry out to Him in prayer.

There is also the argument floating around that Christians talk big but act little. In other words, we aren’t actually willing to step in and help the babies we’ve wanted to protect in the womb. But if you look at the statistics that’s also false. Professing Christians are far more likely to personally invest time and resources into caring for the vulnerable than the general population (take a look at Josh Howerton’s pinned thread on Twitter as a starting place). Are there those whose lives contradict their words? Of course. God has to convict all of us of hypocrisy to one degree or another. Where we’ve failed to obey we should repent. However, we shouldn’t buy the lie that *every* Christian is failing to love the vulnerable. And, we need to remember that we’re simply responsible to do what God entrusts us with today—no more, no less. 

Lord, help your people to pray faithfully, serve faithfully, and give faithfully for your glory.
I’ll never forget a number of years ago in a her I’ll never forget a number of years ago in a hermeneutics class our teacher saying, “In Ezekiel 16, do you know what sin is listed first as reasons God destroyed Sodom? Pride.”

This struck me to the core. God had been doing a significant work in my life on this very thing. I’d grown up in a Christian home, been a rule-follower, and truly did love Jesus from a young age. That said, it was hard for me to grasp the depth of my sinfulness. I didn’t have a “past” and I’d never been a trouble-maker. But in my early 20’s I began to feel an increasing desperation to know and love Jesus more. As I pressed into Him I sensed Him speaking to my heart: 

“If you want your love for me to grow you need to see what you’ve been saved from.” 

He began exposing the depth of pride and filthy self-righteousness I’d viewed as lesser evils. It was so painful, but so freeing at the same time. I knew I was no better than those who’d committed the vilest atrocities, equally in need of the blood of Christ to “cleanse [me] from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). I truly grasped the reality that not a single ounce of my own effort had contributed to my salvation. I wept over my sin and God’s mercy toward me for the first time.

So in this month that is dedicated to celebrating pride, I want to remember—remember that Jesus can transform anyone who turns to Him in repentance. Remember that Jesus “saved a wretch like me.” 
Remember that Christ gives grace to every person who humbles themselves before Him.
Remember that we are all the same at the foot of the cross.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #amazinggrace #pride
Our beautiful boy is 1. All the memories surround Our beautiful boy is 1. 
All the memories surrounding his birth are filling my mind and heart today.

This time last year I was in a hospital bed adjusting to the reality of our son coming a month early. I felt so weak, so weary, so unprepared to labor another child from womb to world. It looked like a C-section would be the only option after hours of unimproved heart rate dips. My midwife (whom I’d just met that day) even cried for me (how precious is that?😭). My husband and I prayed for what seemed impossible—a vaginal delivery—and in God’s mercy He chose to grant it. Although it was by far my most painful, difficult birth I was in awe that God had shown such kindness to me. I knew He saw and heard, and was glorified to answer our audacious ask. The midwife and nurse said they’d never seen a turn-around like that in all their years of practicing. 

Little buddy still needed a week in the nicu, yet the Lord revealed His gentleness at every turn—holding my tender, reeling heart in His hands. 

Then, he was home. Yet another answered prayer (they’d projected 3-4 weeks). I’ll never forget the utter joy of his siblings upon his homecoming.

God did not spare me from pain in Jack’s birth story, but instead revealed Himself faithfully and beautifully in the midst of it. When I look at Jack Lewis Cofer, I will always see a testimony of God’s lovingkindness toward me.

Happy Birthday, precious boy. You are a gift I’m unworthy, but so grateful, to steward.
Today I celebrate my dear father. To sum up what Today I celebrate my dear father.

To sum up what I’ve learned from his life would take a post much longer than the word count IG allows. But what I admire the most about him in recent years is seeing a man who consistently grows in wisdom, humility, and joy. He’s one of my favorite people in the world to have deep conversations with—encouraging me to think deeply—and pointing me back to Jesus continually. He’s lived out the declaration in Isaiah 6:8, a passage he loves: “Here I am! Send me.” No words can capture my gratitude for such a rare gift. 

I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s Father’s Day. And I wholeheartedly celebr It’s Father’s Day. And I wholeheartedly celebrate the dad of our children. 
Men of integrity, faithfulness, wisdom, repentance, and holiness are few in this world. But where they are found, it is a joy to honor them. I praise God for the one found in my own home, relentlessly fighting to fix his eyes on Jesus and obey the call on his life to love, disciple, and shepherd his family.

I adore you, @judahcofer. Happy Father’s Day.
When @naomivacaro asked me about the possibility o When @naomivacaro asked me about the possibility of coming to TGCW with her (and a nearly immediate “do it” from my husband) I was thrilled. Hands down, my favorite part was the hours and hours of time with this dear friend. It was so sweet to meet *so* many Instagram faces in-person, hear lots of messages, buy books, and drink a good deal of coffee. 

Now it’s off to my husband and little people. As they say, there’s no place like home. 💕

Until next time, Indy!
Today I decided to tackle some weeding in a sorely Today I decided to tackle some weeding in a sorely neglected spot in our yard. A couple of weeks ago I noticed a little blanket of a particular weed beginning to grow, but decided to leave it to work on something else, convincing myself it could pass as nice ground-cover while I worked on “more important” projects. 

But a couple days ago I noticed it no longer passed as ground cover.😅

As I tugged at the multitude of weeds, I pondered how unassuming and rather pretty it looks when it’s small. Whimsical, white flowers bloom along it’s vine-y tendrils. But as it grows it slowly takes over everything. It wraps itself around branches and stems, making it difficult to distinguish which is which. If you take a close look at it, it’s very structure is twisted—growing to overpower and overtake.

How like sin these little weeds are—so often seeming harmless and even a delight to the eye. We let it be, thinking it can pass as part of the scenery of our lives. But it’s whole intention is to overtake. It slowly-yet-steadily wraps itself around whatever it can get ahold of, effecting every aspect of our lives. And eventually it’ll choke the life out of us.

No matter how innocent or appealing sin appears, it needs to be dealt with like these weeds: done away with. Given no room to flourish. Pulled up by the root and tossed out with the trash. The enemy of our souls wants to keep us tending these sins, or at least tolerating them. He knows that any inch we give to sin it will take a mile, keeping us from flourishing in the abundant life of Christ we’ve been given. 

Praise God for His grace that gives us the ability to say no to sin, to deal with it ruthlessly. Apart from Him we are slaves to our sin with no hope of freedom—no desire, even, for a life outside the bondage of death. What mercy, what love found in Jesus who died to free us from “the sin which clings so closely” (Hebrews 12). 

May any facade of beauty that sin might hold wither in the face of His glory.
.
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #weeding #ponderings #Christcenteredwomanhood
“Lord, tether my dreams to reality.” This has “Lord, tether my dreams to reality.”

This has been a prayer I’ve continually lifted as of late.

I, as most do, have passions and interests that fall outside my family and home sphere. I have “one day” pursuits I feel quite strongly about. And the temptation can sometimes be to skimp in the “already here” and put my best efforts into those other desires (which are good things in-and-of themselves).

But here’s the reality: 

• I have one life to live. What I choose today matters.

• God’s priorities for me are worth pursuing with my whole heart, regardless of the messages the world (and sometimes my own heart) shouts at me. Why? Because He’s my Creator and only He gets to say what’s best for my life.

• My God-given priorities *today* include (but are not limited to) loving my husband and raising, training, teaching, loving, nurturing, and protecting five little people He’s entrusted to me. I alone have been granted the privilege of being called “Mommy” by these children, and “wife” of this precious man. Any other pursuits in this season must strengthen—not hinder—these callings. And, I might add, these 6 people are a dream come true.

• Some of those future dreams/pursuits are dependent on my faithfulness here and now. Why? Because every choice today is a seed planted, a stone laid. What will these say about me 20 years from now?

• I ultimately don’t want anything other than what God wants for me. He has the right and ability to change my course as He sees fit. If He chooses to allow those other dreams to come to fruition in His time and way I’ll be thrilled. But if He takes them away, blessed be His name. 

Tethered dreams have time to mature, deepen, be refined or even changed completely with age. Tethered dreams recognize that I can’t see the beginning from the end. Tethered dreams are safe with the One who can.

Lord, tether my dreams to reality.
Your reality.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood
“The triangle of truisms, of father, mother and “The triangle of truisms, of father, mother and child, cannot be destroyed; it can only destroy those civilizations which disregard it.” - G. K. Chesterton

The moral fabric of our society is being shredded to pieces right before our eyes, and the attack on the family is right at the heart of it.

Is there anything more counter-cultural we can do than hold fast to God’s design for family—a husband and wife covenanting to one another until death, bearing and raising children for the glory of God? I doubt it. This seemingly simple stand is being showered with fiery darts. The enemy of our souls would like nothing more than for believers to cave to the pressures and lies of society.

But by God’s grace, we can hold fast to this now-radical, Christ-honoring view of husbands, wives, and children. It might feel insignificant at times. But I have a feeling this obedience in regard to God’s design family is accomplishing far more than we’ll ever know this side of eternity.
.
.
.
.
.
#lookingtoJesus #family #husbandsandwives #children #childrenareagift
Load More...
  • About Heather
  • Book
  • Recommendations
  • Products
  • Contact
  • Affiliate

Copyright © 2023 · Refined theme by Restored 316