Heather Cofer

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Can You Have a Sense of Style… and Modesty?

26 Sep

I’ve always been one to appreciate style. Maybe not style in the sense of what is “in,” but a particular sense of what I thought was beautiful. Growing up, one of my favorite things was to coordinate my clothing and accessories. I had a Veggie Tales shirt and earrings that were always worn together. On Valentine’s Day, you better believe I was decked out in hearts. Or when I wore blue, it was all blue. And every once-in-a-while I got my three younger sisters to match with me, hairstyles and all.

Now-a-days you won’t find me in hearts from head to toe, but I do still truly appreciate an outfit that is coordinated and has a sense of order and style. But I’m also very serious about dressing in a way that glorifies the Lord and reflects His life in me. I’ve thought and prayed quite a bit about how these two – modesty and style – go together. As a stay-at-home-mom, is it practical to have clothing that is pretty rather than just functional? Is it vain? Is fashionable clothing modest, or is it always worldly? I’ve also been asked some of these questions by other women who are thinking through these same things. So, here are some thoughts I’ve come to over the years of looking at God’s Word and talking with godly people that have been helpful for me in evaluating my clothing choices. 

[One little thought before I dive in: I truly hope whatever I write will be based in Scripture, and will point you back to Jesus. BUT, I don’t want you simply to take my word for it, or just “do what I do.” I strongly encourage you to seek the Lord in these things for yourself, measuring all I say against God’s Word.]

Alrighty, here we go. 

1. Modesty starts in the heart

The Bible doesn’t give detailed lists of all the pieces of clothing that are modest and all those that aren’t. But what the Bible does tell us is that modesty starts in the heart, and that the overflow of that will be reflected in our clothing choices. But just simply dressing in appropriate clothes doesn’t mean we have a heart of modesty.

Here’s a snippet from another article I wrote on modesty for Set-Apart Girl:

Simply put, true modesty is an outflow from a heart that loves God. In 1 Timothy 2, one of the core passages that speaks of modesty says, “…women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty…” (v.9 ESV). Do you see how the word “modesty” is used here? It isn’t actually describing the clothing, but the attitude that should accompany the clothing. Some translations use the word “reverence,” and in Greek it also can be a word used to describe having an awe of God. This is where modesty starts. Every piece of clothing we choose to put on should come from a deliberate choice to honor the Lord — not as a choice stemming from either selfishness or self-righteousness.

Scripture doesn’t give a long list of “dos and don’ts” in regards to what we should or shouldn’t wear. It gives principles to follow, but most of the practicals are left to us. However, it does tell us that women who truly love God and obey Him will honor Him in their outward appearance.

[ You can read the full article HERE ]

Ultimately, we should be far more concerned about what’s inside than what is outside. If we’re going to put time and attention into beautifying ourselves, it should start with the Gospel – spending time in the Word allowing the Lord to beautify us from the inside out. Then, when this comes first, we will more clearly be able to discern what kind of clothes and accessories are right and good to wear. 

2. Style itself is Amoral

I think it could be fairly easy for conservative Christians (such as myself) to subconsciously embrace the idea that just because something is currently in style it’s necessarily worldly. But I don’t believe this is true. The principle of modesty encompasses all eras. It’s not more modest to wear something that isn’t seen as stylish today just because it’s not stylish… if that makes sense. What we need to do instead when evaluating a piece of clothing is ask, “is this going to glorify God by lining up with His principles of modesty?” 

Modesty has to do with not drawing attention to yourself unnecessarily. Some of the synonyms of modest are: moderate, unpretentious, unostentatious. So, you could say one meaning of modesty is not sticking out. Wearing culturally acceptable clothing is not wrong in and of itself. It’s making sure that any particular piece of clothing is honoring to God that matters. 

There is lots of room within these bounds for personal conviction. There are many principles in Scripture that are black and white (i.e. dress in a way that glorifies the Lord), but it doesn’t say exactly what that means (i.e. wear this shirt, don’t wear that one). Each of us are responsible before the Lord to seek Him personally in regards to how He desires us to live out this call to “respectable apparel.” I know and love many godly women who fall into varying places on this. Some choose to dress more conservatively than I do, and some choose to dress less conservatively. But I see the common thread running through each of them of a desire to honor the Lord and others in their clothing choices. It’s important that we be sensitive to personal conviction when Scripture gives room for variance. 

3. God is a God of Beauty

We see, both throughout Scripture and in creation, that God is a God of beauty. It takes one glance at a garden to know this – the vast array of color and design of each flower is mind-blowing. Not to mention the rugged beauty of mountains or the breathtaking beauty of oceans. God takes delight in the tiniest and largest of details. He could have made one kind of flower, one kind of bird, one kind of landscape… but He chose to create a world overflowing with beauty of all kinds. 

In the Old Testament, we see the kind of detail He had put into His earthly dwelling places – the tabernacle and the temple. Intricate goldwork, precious stones, richly colored and embroidered curtains and clothing. Not one thing was overlooked. 

Part of being made in God’s image is having a delight in beauty, too. And one outflow of this can be found in our clothing. There is no condemnation of lovely, beautiful clothing in Scripture, only the heart that idolizes these things. The highly esteemed Proverbs 31 woman is dressed “in fine linen and purple” (v. 22), and purple was considered a “precious color.” Clothing can be another evidence of the creativity and beauty that God made us to appreciate and enjoy for His honor and glory. 

Within the bounds of a heart that desires to honor the Lord with every aspect of life, there is freedom to wear clothing that is beautiful, and even what is considered fashionable. Whether we choose to wear something that is “in” or something that “isn’t” is not the point. If it has been evaluated through the lens of a submitted and right heart before the Lord, then we can wear it with joy. If we’re not sure if a piece of clothing fits into that framework, we can ask another godly woman (or our husbands if we’re married), or simply choose not to wear it. But fear of man, whether of those more conservative or less conservative, should never drive our clothing choices. Love of God should. When this is the case, we can wear the styles we enjoy with a free heart, and He will give us sensitivity for what is the right thing to wear at the right time. 

(Note: There are times when we may be around others with differing convictions or cultures. In these circumstances it’s appropriate to put aside our preferred clothing out of love for them and the God who made them. This doesn’t mean we’re fearing them, but simply honoring them and removing a potential stumbling block or means of offense. In our freedom, we can choose to put aside our preferences to show love to another, and that is a beautiful thing, too.)

So, whether business casual or with a western flair, whether athleisure or boho, we can choose to allow what is on the outside to be a reflection of an eternally stunning reality: the life of Christ in us. We are in this world, but we are not of this world. What a privilege to be ambassadors for the Kingdom… even in the clothing we wear. 

Your friend,

Previous Post: « Of Wings and Types and Profiles (…and Cabbages and Kings)
Next Post: 20 Years: Reflections on Mongolia »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Naomi says

    September 26, 2019 at 3:30 pm

    So good Heather!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      September 26, 2019 at 6:51 pm

      Thanks, friend!

      Reply
  2. Trina Celine Cofer says

    September 30, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Good job, sweetheart, communicating truth around a controversial subject.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 3, 2019 at 4:09 am

      Thank you, Mom! I so appreciate your encouragement!

      Reply
  3. Grace says

    October 17, 2019 at 4:59 pm

    Woah I’m late with this comment, but thanks for your thoughts on this, Heather! So good!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 17, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      Thank you!!

      Reply
  4. mama bear says

    November 27, 2019 at 6:17 am

    Hi there, You’ve done a fantastic job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends.

    I am confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.

    Reply

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Melody and harmony. I was listening to a one of m Melody and harmony.

I was listening to a one of my favorite artists recently, delighting in their musical beauty. At one point the voice that usually sings harmony sang part of the melody instead, strongly and skillfully; and in that moment it dawned on me:

You have to first know a melody to sing it’s harmony.

Melody and harmony have differences in their notes, but a true harmony will enhance the melody, not fight with it. And they must work perfectly with one another—otherwise it goes from stunning to cringe-worthy in moments.

In the world today there are lots of movements and worldviews and organizations that are being proclaimed as harmonious with the melody of the Gospel (according to the Bible). In reality, though, they aren’t. Maybe if someone doesn’t truly know gospel these could pass as harmonious. Or, if someone tweaks the melody or chooses to ignore the sharp or flat notes, you could say they sound good together. Sometimes, yes, they sound like they fit for a few notes before going wonky. But those who are intent on being faithful to knowing and enhancing the melody—the *true* melody—will not be fooled. The dissonance will be apparent, even if subtle, and won’t be claimed as harmonious for long.

But those ministries and movements who *are* truly harmonious with the melody of the gospel are beautifully obvious. They are working to advance the Kingdom on earth in a way that enhances the tried and true refrain of God’s story. They do not need to tweak what the Bible says; they join with countless voices that have been singing for ages and generations past to harmonize with what always has been and always will be the most beautiful anthem of truth.

May our lives alway be in genuine harmony with the melody of the gospel.
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#pondering #truth #harmony #melody #lookingtoJesus #thegospel #Christcenteredliving #Christcenteredwomanhood #music
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One of my hopes and prayers has been that there would be 1000 copies out in the world by its first birthday. It would be quite a stretch at this point, but if you’ve been considering buying this for yourself or someone else, now would be the perfect time to do so (the link is in my bio). 
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#expectant #pregnancy #Christcenteredpregnancy #expectantbook #pregnancyresource #oneyear
Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a heart that has been transformed by our Savior. No rules, no self-effort can make us pure, only Jesus can. And, praise Him: He can!
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(Newest blog post ‘Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”’ at the link in my bio)
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#lookingtoJesus #purity #thegospelchangeseverything #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #Christcenteredwomanhood #family #Christianfamily #love #biblicallove #sanctification #graceupongrace #Jesusplusnothing
True purity can only be an outflow of a heart that True purity can only be an outflow of a heart that has been purified by the shed blood of Christ. When kids grow up hearing only about outward rules rather than inward transformation, they will certainly grow disillusioned. They will quickly realize as they face the reality of their sexual brokenness that the only way to maintain this outward facade is to be hypocritical, because their hearts have not been changed. And eventually they may throw it all out, because they have been relying on their own effort rather than the hope of the gospel. But when kids are taught to love God first and foremost—when He becomes their passion and pursuit—this is where they will gain a solid foundation and framework on which their theology of purity will stand fast.

New post on the blog! Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”

Link to full post in bio. 💕
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#ontheblog #purity #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #sexualpurity #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #bloggersofinstagram #Christianblog #womanhoodblog #love #legalism
In the days before Easter I was reading the events In the days before Easter I was reading the events leading up to and surrounding Jesus’ death. In Luke 22:31-32, while Jesus is having His last supper with his disciples, he says this to Peter,

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#lookingtoJesus #prayer #theBible #Christcenteredwomanhood
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How could a loving God let bad things happen to good people?

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//Amazing love, how can it be, 
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Because we have a loving God, sin, suffering, and sorrow don’t have the final say. Grief and death will be swallowed in victory. And one day, we’ll experience that resolution in God’s loving, perfect, presence forever and ever. We have hope.
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