Heather Cofer

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Can You Have a Sense of Style… and Modesty?

26 Sep

I’ve always been one to appreciate style. Maybe not style in the sense of what is “in,” but a particular sense of what I thought was beautiful. Growing up, one of my favorite things was to coordinate my clothing and accessories. I had a Veggie Tales shirt and earrings that were always worn together. On Valentine’s Day, you better believe I was decked out in hearts. Or when I wore blue, it was all blue. And every once-in-a-while I got my three younger sisters to match with me, hairstyles and all.

Now-a-days you won’t find me in hearts from head to toe, but I do still truly appreciate an outfit that is coordinated and has a sense of order and style. But I’m also very serious about dressing in a way that glorifies the Lord and reflects His life in me. I’ve thought and prayed quite a bit about how these two – modesty and style – go together. As a stay-at-home-mom, is it practical to have clothing that is pretty rather than just functional? Is it vain? Is fashionable clothing modest, or is it always worldly? I’ve also been asked some of these questions by other women who are thinking through these same things. So, here are some thoughts I’ve come to over the years of looking at God’s Word and talking with godly people that have been helpful for me in evaluating my clothing choices. 

[One little thought before I dive in: I truly hope whatever I write will be based in Scripture, and will point you back to Jesus. BUT, I don’t want you simply to take my word for it, or just “do what I do.” I strongly encourage you to seek the Lord in these things for yourself, measuring all I say against God’s Word.]

Alrighty, here we go. 

1. Modesty starts in the heart

The Bible doesn’t give detailed lists of all the pieces of clothing that are modest and all those that aren’t. But what the Bible does tell us is that modesty starts in the heart, and that the overflow of that will be reflected in our clothing choices. But just simply dressing in appropriate clothes doesn’t mean we have a heart of modesty.

Here’s a snippet from another article I wrote on modesty for Set-Apart Girl:

Simply put, true modesty is an outflow from a heart that loves God. In 1 Timothy 2, one of the core passages that speaks of modesty says, “…women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty…” (v.9 ESV). Do you see how the word “modesty” is used here? It isn’t actually describing the clothing, but the attitude that should accompany the clothing. Some translations use the word “reverence,” and in Greek it also can be a word used to describe having an awe of God. This is where modesty starts. Every piece of clothing we choose to put on should come from a deliberate choice to honor the Lord — not as a choice stemming from either selfishness or self-righteousness.

Scripture doesn’t give a long list of “dos and don’ts” in regards to what we should or shouldn’t wear. It gives principles to follow, but most of the practicals are left to us. However, it does tell us that women who truly love God and obey Him will honor Him in their outward appearance.

[ You can read the full article HERE ]

Ultimately, we should be far more concerned about what’s inside than what is outside. If we’re going to put time and attention into beautifying ourselves, it should start with the Gospel – spending time in the Word allowing the Lord to beautify us from the inside out. Then, when this comes first, we will more clearly be able to discern what kind of clothes and accessories are right and good to wear. 

2. Style itself is Amoral

I think it could be fairly easy for conservative Christians (such as myself) to subconsciously embrace the idea that just because something is currently in style it’s necessarily worldly. But I don’t believe this is true. The principle of modesty encompasses all eras. It’s not more modest to wear something that isn’t seen as stylish today just because it’s not stylish… if that makes sense. What we need to do instead when evaluating a piece of clothing is ask, “is this going to glorify God by lining up with His principles of modesty?” 

Modesty has to do with not drawing attention to yourself unnecessarily. Some of the synonyms of modest are: moderate, unpretentious, unostentatious. So, you could say one meaning of modesty is not sticking out. Wearing culturally acceptable clothing is not wrong in and of itself. It’s making sure that any particular piece of clothing is honoring to God that matters. 

There is lots of room within these bounds for personal conviction. There are many principles in Scripture that are black and white (i.e. dress in a way that glorifies the Lord), but it doesn’t say exactly what that means (i.e. wear this shirt, don’t wear that one). Each of us are responsible before the Lord to seek Him personally in regards to how He desires us to live out this call to “respectable apparel.” I know and love many godly women who fall into varying places on this. Some choose to dress more conservatively than I do, and some choose to dress less conservatively. But I see the common thread running through each of them of a desire to honor the Lord and others in their clothing choices. It’s important that we be sensitive to personal conviction when Scripture gives room for variance. 

3. God is a God of Beauty

We see, both throughout Scripture and in creation, that God is a God of beauty. It takes one glance at a garden to know this – the vast array of color and design of each flower is mind-blowing. Not to mention the rugged beauty of mountains or the breathtaking beauty of oceans. God takes delight in the tiniest and largest of details. He could have made one kind of flower, one kind of bird, one kind of landscape… but He chose to create a world overflowing with beauty of all kinds. 

In the Old Testament, we see the kind of detail He had put into His earthly dwelling places – the tabernacle and the temple. Intricate goldwork, precious stones, richly colored and embroidered curtains and clothing. Not one thing was overlooked. 

Part of being made in God’s image is having a delight in beauty, too. And one outflow of this can be found in our clothing. There is no condemnation of lovely, beautiful clothing in Scripture, only the heart that idolizes these things. The highly esteemed Proverbs 31 woman is dressed “in fine linen and purple” (v. 22), and purple was considered a “precious color.” Clothing can be another evidence of the creativity and beauty that God made us to appreciate and enjoy for His honor and glory. 

Within the bounds of a heart that desires to honor the Lord with every aspect of life, there is freedom to wear clothing that is beautiful, and even what is considered fashionable. Whether we choose to wear something that is “in” or something that “isn’t” is not the point. If it has been evaluated through the lens of a submitted and right heart before the Lord, then we can wear it with joy. If we’re not sure if a piece of clothing fits into that framework, we can ask another godly woman (or our husbands if we’re married), or simply choose not to wear it. But fear of man, whether of those more conservative or less conservative, should never drive our clothing choices. Love of God should. When this is the case, we can wear the styles we enjoy with a free heart, and He will give us sensitivity for what is the right thing to wear at the right time. 

(Note: There are times when we may be around others with differing convictions or cultures. In these circumstances it’s appropriate to put aside our preferred clothing out of love for them and the God who made them. This doesn’t mean we’re fearing them, but simply honoring them and removing a potential stumbling block or means of offense. In our freedom, we can choose to put aside our preferences to show love to another, and that is a beautiful thing, too.)

So, whether business casual or with a western flair, whether athleisure or boho, we can choose to allow what is on the outside to be a reflection of an eternally stunning reality: the life of Christ in us. We are in this world, but we are not of this world. What a privilege to be ambassadors for the Kingdom… even in the clothing we wear. 

Your friend,

Previous Post: « Of Wings and Types and Profiles (…and Cabbages and Kings)
Next Post: 20 Years: Reflections on Mongolia »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Naomi says

    September 26, 2019 at 3:30 pm

    So good Heather!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      September 26, 2019 at 6:51 pm

      Thanks, friend!

      Reply
  2. Trina Celine Cofer says

    September 30, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Good job, sweetheart, communicating truth around a controversial subject.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 3, 2019 at 4:09 am

      Thank you, Mom! I so appreciate your encouragement!

      Reply
  3. Grace says

    October 17, 2019 at 4:59 pm

    Woah I’m late with this comment, but thanks for your thoughts on this, Heather! So good!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      October 17, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      Thank you!!

      Reply
  4. mama bear says

    November 27, 2019 at 6:17 am

    Hi there, You’ve done a fantastic job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends.

    I am confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.

    Reply

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My middle-little sister, Holly, has spent the past My middle-little sister, Holly, has spent the past 6+ months in our house fam. There’s a 7 year age difference between us, so when I got married she was just entering her teen years. She lived across the world from me for a good part of the next decade, so when she decided to move up our way for a while I was thrilled. Spending hours of up-close, in-person time together has been a precious gift. Having siblings that become some of your dearest friends is, I’m discovering, one of the greatest joys of adulthood.

Now she’s off to the next chapter. I know God’s going to continue to use her to bless others in significant ways, just as she’s blessed us—this servant-hearted, joy-filled sister of mine. I’m so grateful for you, @holly_sprenger.
As I watch the happenings in this world I have an As I watch the happenings in this world I have an ever-increasing ache—a yearning—to be known first and foremost by my allegiance to Jesus Christ.

As I read headlines, hot takes, opinions, debates between fellow believers—praying and seeking to learn and discern—I’m more certain than ever that being a Christian frees us from being defined by or confined to earthly labels in our stances on any given issue. We’re free to champion what God champions, to despise what God despises regardless of how it might be viewed by those around us or what political lines it might cross. We’re free to love those who differ from us, and yes, even free to love those who do us wrong. 

I have strong opinions and thoughts about certain issues—no doubt about it. I disagree with certain thoughts or opinions fellow believers hold. But what I want those brothers and sisters to know about me *first* is that I love them, not how I might disagree with them. Yes, there’s a place to discuss, to sharpen one another, to exhort and encourage, to warn and even to rebuke at times when we see fellow believers straying from Christ. But the world is supposed to know us by our love for each other, not our debates and conflicts. This should temper the “what,” “how,” and “when” of every conversation. 

Some of us are called to stand more publicly against certain evils and injustices than others. We should expect the best of those who aren’t doing or saying exactly what we’re doing or saying (*especially* if we’re defining them by their lack of words on social media. There are faithful Christians who will never say a word about current issues online, but are obeying in word and deed in their in-person spheres). That said, this should *never* be used as an excuse to neglect the actions and words that every Christ-follower must be marked by according to Scripture. And when we find ourselves hesitating to obey any of God’s commands due to another allegiance something needs to change.

Lord, may your people be defined not by causes, but by Christ; not by worldly labels, but by you alone.
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#lookingtoJesus #thegospelchangeseverything #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant the past few days. I snipped and propagated it from a stunning outdoor hanging plant we had a couple years ago after it scorched in the intense CO sun. After weeks of daily watching I finally saw the roots appear, and replanted it. Fuchsia is special to me, because it’s one of the plants that beautified our windowsills in Mongolia throughout our years there. I love having one in our home.

Recently, though, did a little trimming of this plant. I noticed there were a couple of overly flourishing sprigs; they were so long they were keeping the little plant from filling out. So, as much as I hated to do it, I clipped them off. To my delight, brand new leaves began appearing within days all over the plant.

Why has this been on my mind?  Because it reminded me that sometimes—in order for us to flourish—we need to clip back areas in our lives that are zapping growth. It’s often a painful decision, because they’re usually pastimes or vocations we love. But we know in order to direct time and energy toward our God-given priorities we need to do a little clipping of those gangly offshoots. Although we feel bare for a time, it doesn’t take long for the evidence of growth and life to show itself where it was much needed. 

And guess what? Those clipped offshoots are sitting in a jar in the kitchen, waiting to sprout new roots. They aren’t gone forever, just being prepped to produce life rather than zap it. Sometimes branches do need to be clipped and tossed. Other times they just need to be propagated—waiting for new roots to grow so they can grow and flourish at the right time in the right way.

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2
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#lookingtoJesus #plants #Christcenteredwomanhood #fuchsia #ponderings #lessonseverywhere
//Well, it’s all an adventure That comes with a //Well, it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you//

The incredible @frostedphotographer took some headshots for us, and she said, “Do you want to snap a few together?” Yes, please. 😍😍😍

Forever thankful for the gift of a life adventure with this man.
//Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Su //Summer and winter and
springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their
courses above,
Join with all nature in 
manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness,
mercy, and love//
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#greatisthyfaithfulness #lookingtoJesus #springtime
“Being like Jesus” will never contradict the r “Being like Jesus” will never contradict the rest of Scripture.

Several times as of late I’ve read or heard examples of people using stories of Jesus from the gospels to back up an argument about accepting sin of some kind. They say that if His followers are going to be like Him they need to follow His example—His example by their interpretation, that is.

But the narratives told of Jesus in the Gospels will *never* contradict the specific commands Christ-followers are given in the rest of the New Testament. Jesus never justified a sin we’re commanded to repent of. A sinful attitude never laced His words, no matter how matter-of-fact His rebukes were. Jesus is the Word made flesh. He will never go against His character or commands for His people.

We can be hard-line on sin while being gentle and kind. We can show compassion without compromising truth. We can be loving while holding fast to biblical convictions. We can, and we must.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Changing Him in any way for our own gain—whether that’s for fleshly gratification or out of fear of others—is making a Jesus in our image. This is a Jesus who cannot save. 

But we have a Jesus who *can* save, who needs no re-making. May we, by His grace, be ever-conforming to Him.
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#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #truth #love #Jesusislife
“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influenc “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” 
-Billy Graham

I know without a doubt this is true of my mom. This side of heaven I’ll have no idea what depths her godly influence and faithfulness has had upon me as a wife, mom, and woman in any sphere. I will never forget her telling us, “I’m so thankful I get to spend my days with you.” To have the assurance we were loved and enjoyed on top of all she did for our physical needs was a priceless gift. And, as I prepared to enter into adulthood she not only mentored me, but invited me into friendship with her. There aren’t words to sum up that kind of honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thank you for being willing to love and follow Jesus in whatever He’s asked of you. There is nothing greater you could’ve given to us. I love you.
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