Heather Cofer

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A Note to the Single

30 Oct
This post was written by my friend, Amanda Seibel, who has lived her single years so purposefully, joyfully, and selflessly. It’s been a sweet thing to witness from afar, and I pray this post from her heart will bless my other single sisters.

We live in a world where two makes sense and one is often seen as only a problem to be fixed.

This leads those who are single to often feel inadequate for the job of living life and lacking in their experience of joy.

Yet, in the scope of reality, the feelings of inadequacy don’t simply fade away once we meet just the right person, and the search for joy is far from over once we experience the picture perfect wedding day.

Truth be told, our battle for contentment doesn’t accompany one particular season over another. It’s always there – giving it’s best attempt to be a part of every day.

I’m 24 and “still single” as they say. And though there’s been growth over the years, I haven’t figured it all out yet. What I have to offer is not a perfect formula to secure your contentment, but rather a few thoughts that might be helpful for you to think on today.

First off, It’s okay to grieve a little.

A few months ago I sat across a friend who was broken up about the hard things of life – the things that don’t seem fair and the things that we never asked for. She gave me a list of why she ought to be just fine and told me she really didn’t know why this hurt so bad.

I looked her in the eye and reminded her – it’s okay to go ahead and grieve. This has been one of the single most important things that the Lord has shown me in my singleness.

Too often we think that contentment means pasting on a smile and doing your best to convince the world that this was your plan all along – “thirty and single – yes that’s just what I‘ve always hoped for!”

And yet what did Hannah do in the midst of her intense longing for a child? She wept and she poured out her heart before God. Why? Because freedom comes when we allow ourselves to grieve over what isn’t. It’s what enables us to find healing and gives us the ability to move on with greater joy to what is. 

“…grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.”

If you’re the girl that’s dreamed of marriage and a happy little family since you were five, grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.

Second, remember that marriage done God’s way is a treasure.

Often times we like to avoid this reality and convince ourselves that we really aren’t missing out – think of the responsibility, think of the limitations! 

And yet, if we try to trick our thinking in this way we’ll only end up with a harder battle each time we come across another’s wedded bliss.

Marriage done God’s way is a beautiful gift. Instead of ignoring it, celebrate it and ask that if God sees fit, he’ll bring it your way in His timing.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it – not simply in the act itself. Remove the fact that it is God given and you’ll be left with a mess of two people’s lives without the true joy.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it…

What you desire must be done in His time and in His way – so it’s really best to let go, live life fully, and let Him orchestrate the rest.

Third, always remember – marriage was never promised to you.

We often want a guarantee – thus we tell ourselves it’s probably just around the bend. And maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but the truth is – though marriage is common, it was never promised.

God does promise us that He has goodness stored up for those who fear Him and take refuge in Him (Psalm 31:19), but nowhere does He promise me a godly husband. This leaves me with no choice but to believe that God does not equate a good life with a married life. He is far more creative than that.

You and I would do well to remember – this too shall pass. Those words can bring hope when your patience runs out and when the desire seems overwhelming. Yet they also can be a gentle reminder that the beauty that we enjoy in this season may also come to an end as well.

Savor and enjoy – there’s always beauty to be found regardless of the trials you face and the desires you’re currently laying down.

Most of all, I pray you will always remember that though the world might try to convince you that you are all alone – you are seen, and you are loved by a faithful God. You have never been forgotten, nor will you ever be.

————

Amanda is currently serving Jesus as a single girl and seeking to steward well the time and opportunities that this season has brought her. By day she manages a local coffee shop in her small town of Rosendale, WI. Her evenings are typically filled with writing, reading, coffee dates, time with family and Bible study with her girls group. She started The Splendid Ordinary out of a desire to focus her own heart on living intentionally in the ordinary moments of life. You can also follow along with her on her Instagram.

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Five days until our Disney adventure, which means Five days until our Disney adventure, which means baskets and baskets of laundry😆. The anticipation is through the roof!
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It dawned on me in the midst of switching a load of laundry and making mental lists: doing normal work with an exciting end in mind makes even the simplest tasks fulfilling. It gives them purpose.
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It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that we do have an incredibly exciting end ahead of us (eternity with Jesus), and that how we do our work now matters for later. If we’re only focusing on here and now, these mundane tasks feel purposeless beyond just having a clean shirt to wear or a dish to eat off of. But when we are doing our work as unto the Lord—working for His glory and anticipating those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant”—it changes everything. We see these monotonous tasks as worthwhile and valuable.
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Our work, no matter how normal or repetitive it may feel, is valuable in God’s eyes. It’s being used to scrub our souls (as my friend @gretchensaffles says), teaching us faithfulness and readying us for eternity in His presence.
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Nothing is wasted in God’s Kingdom.
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#faithfulness #lookingtoJesus #allforJesus #workisworship #motherhood #risenmotherhood #Christcenteredmotherhood
Gratitude is a gift. When God tells us to give tha Gratitude is a gift. When God tells us to give thanks it is not only for His glory, but also for our good. Let’s be people who are faithful to offer gratitude.
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#gratitude #thankful #lookingtoJesus #quotes #sacrificeofpraise #Christcenteredliving
There’s always more than what you usually see on There’s always more than what you usually see on IG. See progression for proof (Javan was licking my face, which he does sometimes when he’s upset 😂).
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Mama friends, don’t allow the lies to come in that tell you you’re the only one who doesn’t have what it takes in your own strength. Whether we see it or not, every mother has limits—an end of their rope of patience or wisdom or love where God needs to supply His grace. It’s ok to only post the beautiful moments on here—those moments of struggle don’t always need to be seen by the world. They can be between you and God and those closest to you in person. But don’t forget that every one of us needs Jesus every hour of every day, regardless of what you see in this space. Glean from and appreciate the strengths of others, but don’t idolize. Look to Jesus, and remember we are all the same at the foot of the cross.
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#lookingtoJesus #motherhood #Jesusplusnothing #Christcenteredmotherhood
Some reminders I’m repeating to myself today: . Some reminders I’m repeating to myself today:
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🪴My hope is in Christ alone
🪴”Small” obedience matters
🪴Just do the next thing in faith
🪴Truth > feelings
🪴Live peacefully, quietly, dignified, and godly
🪴What I need is not primarily what Jesus can give, but Jesus Himself
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#ponderings #reminders #lookingtoJesus #livefaithfully #truth #Christcenteredliving
“When we acknowledge our inability to mother our “When we acknowledge our inability to mother our children apart from the Lord’s provision and strength, we honor God. Of course we are not able to do this work of raising children and training them in the instruction of the Lord. That’s why we desperately need the Lord!” - Gloria Furman, ‘Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full’
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Too often I fall prey to the lie that it’s up to me alone to mother my children well for God’s glory, and that He looks on in disapproval as I make foibles and need to repent yet again for impatience or laziness. But what hope, what joy that God is honored when we acknowledge that we cannot do this job apart from Him. He is the source of our wisdom and grace for motherhood, and it is in our weakness His strength is shown to be perfect (2 Cor. 12:9). God is ready at every moment to draw near to us as we draw near to Him, acknowledging our lack. He delights to supply all we need with Himself.
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#motherhood #Christcenteredmotherhood #lookingtoJesus #childrenareagift
For many years my grandparents’ house has been c For many years my grandparents’ house has been called Peace Cottage. It’s a name that truly reflects the atmosphere of their home; a place of rest and refreshment for all who enter as they are loved and served by Spirit-filled saints (and believe me, there have been countless people ministered to within those walls).
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This has been our vision and prayer for our own home: to cultivate an environment ruled by the peace of Christ, in turn refreshing all who enter. Several years ago as we considered names for our home, we thought, “what could be better than being an extension of the home that has set such an amazing example for us?” So we asked my grandparents if we could call our home Peace Cottage Windsor.
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It is an immense privilege to be a part of the Peace Cottage heritage. We pray we will be as faithful as those who have walked before us.
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#peacecottage #peacecottagewindsor #hospitality #Christcenteredhome #Christcenteredfamily
This dear, dear friend is off on a new adventure o This dear, dear friend is off on a new adventure of obedience to Jesus. I’ve known her longer than 3 of my kids, and they’ve never known life without “Buddy.” How we are going to miss you.
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You’ve blessed us in more ways than we can count, and your friendship is an incredibly precious gift. I know the Lord will use you to advance His kingdom wherever He calls you. You’ll always have a special place in the Cofer house fam. 💕
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