Heather Cofer

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A Note to the Single

30 Oct
This post was written by my friend, Amanda Seibel, who has lived her single years so purposefully, joyfully, and selflessly. It’s been a sweet thing to witness from afar, and I pray this post from her heart will bless my other single sisters.

We live in a world where two makes sense and one is often seen as only a problem to be fixed.

This leads those who are single to often feel inadequate for the job of living life and lacking in their experience of joy.

Yet, in the scope of reality, the feelings of inadequacy don’t simply fade away once we meet just the right person, and the search for joy is far from over once we experience the picture perfect wedding day.

Truth be told, our battle for contentment doesn’t accompany one particular season over another. It’s always there – giving it’s best attempt to be a part of every day.

I’m 24 and “still single” as they say. And though there’s been growth over the years, I haven’t figured it all out yet. What I have to offer is not a perfect formula to secure your contentment, but rather a few thoughts that might be helpful for you to think on today.

First off, It’s okay to grieve a little.

A few months ago I sat across a friend who was broken up about the hard things of life – the things that don’t seem fair and the things that we never asked for. She gave me a list of why she ought to be just fine and told me she really didn’t know why this hurt so bad.

I looked her in the eye and reminded her – it’s okay to go ahead and grieve. This has been one of the single most important things that the Lord has shown me in my singleness.

Too often we think that contentment means pasting on a smile and doing your best to convince the world that this was your plan all along – “thirty and single – yes that’s just what I‘ve always hoped for!”

And yet what did Hannah do in the midst of her intense longing for a child? She wept and she poured out her heart before God. Why? Because freedom comes when we allow ourselves to grieve over what isn’t. It’s what enables us to find healing and gives us the ability to move on with greater joy to what is. 

“…grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.”

If you’re the girl that’s dreamed of marriage and a happy little family since you were five, grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.

Second, remember that marriage done God’s way is a treasure.

Often times we like to avoid this reality and convince ourselves that we really aren’t missing out – think of the responsibility, think of the limitations! 

And yet, if we try to trick our thinking in this way we’ll only end up with a harder battle each time we come across another’s wedded bliss.

Marriage done God’s way is a beautiful gift. Instead of ignoring it, celebrate it and ask that if God sees fit, he’ll bring it your way in His timing.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it – not simply in the act itself. Remove the fact that it is God given and you’ll be left with a mess of two people’s lives without the true joy.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it…

What you desire must be done in His time and in His way – so it’s really best to let go, live life fully, and let Him orchestrate the rest.

Third, always remember – marriage was never promised to you.

We often want a guarantee – thus we tell ourselves it’s probably just around the bend. And maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but the truth is – though marriage is common, it was never promised.

God does promise us that He has goodness stored up for those who fear Him and take refuge in Him (Psalm 31:19), but nowhere does He promise me a godly husband. This leaves me with no choice but to believe that God does not equate a good life with a married life. He is far more creative than that.

You and I would do well to remember – this too shall pass. Those words can bring hope when your patience runs out and when the desire seems overwhelming. Yet they also can be a gentle reminder that the beauty that we enjoy in this season may also come to an end as well.

Savor and enjoy – there’s always beauty to be found regardless of the trials you face and the desires you’re currently laying down.

Most of all, I pray you will always remember that though the world might try to convince you that you are all alone – you are seen, and you are loved by a faithful God. You have never been forgotten, nor will you ever be.

————

Amanda is currently serving Jesus as a single girl and seeking to steward well the time and opportunities that this season has brought her. By day she manages a local coffee shop in her small town of Rosendale, WI. Her evenings are typically filled with writing, reading, coffee dates, time with family and Bible study with her girls group. She started The Splendid Ordinary out of a desire to focus her own heart on living intentionally in the ordinary moments of life. You can also follow along with her on her Instagram.

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What joy to rest in the reality that our identity What joy to rest in the reality that our identity and worth are found in Jesus, not how well we perform.
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(Full blog post link in bio)
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#identity #perfectionism #wifehood #marriage #Christcenteredwifehood #biblicalwomanhood #lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’m going to take a wild guess that I’m not th I’m going to take a wild guess that I’m not the only one who fights perfectionism in wifehood. The desire to be the best wife for our husbands is a good one—it certainly should be championed, not diminished (which, sadly, happens all-too-often in our western culture). If we’re not watchful, however, that good desire to love and serve our husbands with excellence can turn into striving to find our identity in being the “perfect” wife. We can recognize this shift has happened when rather than joyfully giving of our time and energy to serve our husbands (regardless of whether he notices) we find ourselves instead working for his approval. This leaves us discouraged and disgruntled when we don’t receive the reaction we were hoping for.

When we are secure in our identity as a redeemed child of God, then—and only then—will we rightfully think about and live out our role as wife to our husband.

This week #ontheblog I’m sharing 3 ways we can fight perfectionism in wifehood. Read the full post at the link in my bio!
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#blogpost #wifehood #marriage #Christcenteredmarriage #Christianmarriage #husbandandwife #Christcenteredwomanhood #perfectionism #lookingtoJesus #family #Christcenteredwomanhood
Not much to add to that other than: I agree.👌🏻
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#quotes #faith #truth #reason
It seemed somehow fitting that the spot I often us It seemed somehow fitting that the spot I often use for pictures like this was scattered with blocks being used by a little toddler.

It can be tempting to wait to buy the flowers—to add “unnecessary” touches of beauty—until the house is spotless; until the kiddos are old enough to keep from regular milk spills, and mama has enough stamina and discipline to stay on top of her daily tasks. It feels like these touches should be a reward for empty laundry baskets and crumb-less tables.

But I want my children to know that these little years are worth being adorned with “extra” beauty. I choose not to wait until they are grown and the house is no longer filled with kiddo bits and bobs. Because the beauty of flowers and the young kiddo years are not at odds with each other. These years are precious, and when possible should be adorned with special touches like vases of fresh flowers. My children need to know that a home filled with little people is not a home devoid of beauty. Why? Because God places value on these years, on these children. And in small ways like this, I can show them that I value these years, too, and am not postponing beauty until they are grown.

Does it often need to be simple? Yes. But even simple additions like a vase of flowers can make the statement to our children and those who enter that these little years are worth being filled with “extra” loveliness.
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#motherhood #childrenareagift #family #thelittleyears #toddlers #mamahood #Christcenteredmotherhood
Melody and harmony. I was listening to a one of m Melody and harmony.

I was listening to a one of my favorite artists recently, delighting in their musical beauty. At one point the voice that usually sings harmony sang part of the melody instead, strongly and skillfully; and in that moment it dawned on me:

You have to first know a melody to sing it’s harmony.

Melody and harmony have differences in their notes, but a true harmony will enhance the melody, not fight with it. And they must work perfectly with one another—otherwise it goes from stunning to cringe-worthy in moments.

In the world today there are lots of movements and worldviews and organizations that are being proclaimed as harmonious with the melody of the Gospel (according to the Bible). In reality, though, they aren’t. Maybe if someone doesn’t truly know gospel these could pass as harmonious. Or, if someone tweaks the melody or chooses to ignore the sharp or flat notes, you could say they sound good together. Sometimes, yes, they sound like they fit for a few notes before going wonky. But those who are intent on being faithful to knowing and enhancing the melody—the *true* melody—will not be fooled. The dissonance will be apparent, even if subtle, and won’t be claimed as harmonious for long.

But those ministries and movements who *are* truly harmonious with the melody of the gospel are beautifully obvious. They are working to advance the Kingdom on earth in a way that enhances the tried and true refrain of God’s story. They do not need to tweak what the Bible says; they join with countless voices that have been singing for ages and generations past to harmonize with what always has been and always will be the most beautiful anthem of truth.

May our lives alway be in genuine harmony with the melody of the gospel.
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#pondering #truth #harmony #melody #lookingtoJesus #thegospel #Christcenteredliving #Christcenteredwomanhood #music
It’s been almost one year since the launch of th It’s been almost one year since the launch of this book—how is that possible?! It’s been a joy-filled process, and one full of learning curves. The Lord has displayed His faithfulness and kindness many times over as I’ve received encouragement and messages from those of you who have read it and been blessed by it. Praise Him!
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One of my hopes and prayers has been that there would be 1000 copies out in the world by its first birthday. It would be quite a stretch at this point, but if you’ve been considering buying this for yourself or someone else, now would be the perfect time to do so (the link is in my bio). 
Or, if you have read the book and were blessed by it, would you consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads? This goes a long way in helping it become more visible to expectant mamas who would be encouraged by the message in its pages (marketing is *not* my thing, guys, but my husband tells me it’s still important 😉).
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Thank you, thank you to each one of you who have bought the book, shared it with others, and left reviews. I know the Lord can be trusted to get this book into the hands of every person who need a fresh reminder to look to Him in the season of pregnancy.
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Also: stay tuned for a fun giveaway coming up to celebrate the one year mark! 🥳
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#expectant #pregnancy #Christcenteredpregnancy #expectantbook #pregnancyresource #oneyear
Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a heart that has been transformed by our Savior. No rules, no self-effort can make us pure, only Jesus can. And, praise Him: He can!
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(Newest blog post ‘Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”’ at the link in my bio)
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#lookingtoJesus #purity #thegospelchangeseverything #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #Christcenteredwomanhood #family #Christianfamily #love #biblicallove #sanctification #graceupongrace #Jesusplusnothing
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