Heather Cofer

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A Note to the Single

30 Oct
This post was written by my friend, Amanda Seibel, who has lived her single years so purposefully, joyfully, and selflessly. It’s been a sweet thing to witness from afar, and I pray this post from her heart will bless my other single sisters.

We live in a world where two makes sense and one is often seen as only a problem to be fixed.

This leads those who are single to often feel inadequate for the job of living life and lacking in their experience of joy.

Yet, in the scope of reality, the feelings of inadequacy don’t simply fade away once we meet just the right person, and the search for joy is far from over once we experience the picture perfect wedding day.

Truth be told, our battle for contentment doesn’t accompany one particular season over another. It’s always there – giving it’s best attempt to be a part of every day.

I’m 24 and “still single” as they say. And though there’s been growth over the years, I haven’t figured it all out yet. What I have to offer is not a perfect formula to secure your contentment, but rather a few thoughts that might be helpful for you to think on today.

First off, It’s okay to grieve a little.

A few months ago I sat across a friend who was broken up about the hard things of life – the things that don’t seem fair and the things that we never asked for. She gave me a list of why she ought to be just fine and told me she really didn’t know why this hurt so bad.

I looked her in the eye and reminded her – it’s okay to go ahead and grieve. This has been one of the single most important things that the Lord has shown me in my singleness.

Too often we think that contentment means pasting on a smile and doing your best to convince the world that this was your plan all along – “thirty and single – yes that’s just what I‘ve always hoped for!”

And yet what did Hannah do in the midst of her intense longing for a child? She wept and she poured out her heart before God. Why? Because freedom comes when we allow ourselves to grieve over what isn’t. It’s what enables us to find healing and gives us the ability to move on with greater joy to what is. 

“…grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.”

If you’re the girl that’s dreamed of marriage and a happy little family since you were five, grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.

Second, remember that marriage done God’s way is a treasure.

Often times we like to avoid this reality and convince ourselves that we really aren’t missing out – think of the responsibility, think of the limitations! 

And yet, if we try to trick our thinking in this way we’ll only end up with a harder battle each time we come across another’s wedded bliss.

Marriage done God’s way is a beautiful gift. Instead of ignoring it, celebrate it and ask that if God sees fit, he’ll bring it your way in His timing.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it – not simply in the act itself. Remove the fact that it is God given and you’ll be left with a mess of two people’s lives without the true joy.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it…

What you desire must be done in His time and in His way – so it’s really best to let go, live life fully, and let Him orchestrate the rest.

Third, always remember – marriage was never promised to you.

We often want a guarantee – thus we tell ourselves it’s probably just around the bend. And maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but the truth is – though marriage is common, it was never promised.

God does promise us that He has goodness stored up for those who fear Him and take refuge in Him (Psalm 31:19), but nowhere does He promise me a godly husband. This leaves me with no choice but to believe that God does not equate a good life with a married life. He is far more creative than that.

You and I would do well to remember – this too shall pass. Those words can bring hope when your patience runs out and when the desire seems overwhelming. Yet they also can be a gentle reminder that the beauty that we enjoy in this season may also come to an end as well.

Savor and enjoy – there’s always beauty to be found regardless of the trials you face and the desires you’re currently laying down.

Most of all, I pray you will always remember that though the world might try to convince you that you are all alone – you are seen, and you are loved by a faithful God. You have never been forgotten, nor will you ever be.

————

Amanda is currently serving Jesus as a single girl and seeking to steward well the time and opportunities that this season has brought her. By day she manages a local coffee shop in her small town of Rosendale, WI. Her evenings are typically filled with writing, reading, coffee dates, time with family and Bible study with her girls group. She started The Splendid Ordinary out of a desire to focus her own heart on living intentionally in the ordinary moments of life. You can also follow along with her on her Instagram.

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My middle-little sister, Holly, has spent the past My middle-little sister, Holly, has spent the past 6+ months in our house fam. There’s a 7 year age difference between us, so when I got married she was just entering her teen years. She lived across the world from me for a good part of the next decade, so when she decided to move up our way for a while I was thrilled. Spending hours of up-close, in-person time together has been a precious gift. Having siblings that become some of your dearest friends is, I’m discovering, one of the greatest joys of adulthood.

Now she’s off to the next chapter. I know God’s going to continue to use her to bless others in significant ways, just as she’s blessed us—this servant-hearted, joy-filled sister of mine. I’m so grateful for you, @holly_sprenger.
As I watch the happenings in this world I have an As I watch the happenings in this world I have an ever-increasing ache—a yearning—to be known first and foremost by my allegiance to Jesus Christ.

As I read headlines, hot takes, opinions, debates between fellow believers—praying and seeking to learn and discern—I’m more certain than ever that being a Christian frees us from being defined by or confined to earthly labels in our stances on any given issue. We’re free to champion what God champions, to despise what God despises regardless of how it might be viewed by those around us or what political lines it might cross. We’re free to love those who differ from us, and yes, even free to love those who do us wrong. 

I have strong opinions and thoughts about certain issues—no doubt about it. I disagree with certain thoughts or opinions fellow believers hold. But what I want those brothers and sisters to know about me *first* is that I love them, not how I might disagree with them. Yes, there’s a place to discuss, to sharpen one another, to exhort and encourage, to warn and even to rebuke at times when we see fellow believers straying from Christ. But the world is supposed to know us by our love for each other, not our debates and conflicts. This should temper the “what,” “how,” and “when” of every conversation. 

Some of us are called to stand more publicly against certain evils and injustices than others. We should expect the best of those who aren’t doing or saying exactly what we’re doing or saying (*especially* if we’re defining them by their lack of words on social media. There are faithful Christians who will never say a word about current issues online, but are obeying in word and deed in their in-person spheres). That said, this should *never* be used as an excuse to neglect the actions and words that every Christ-follower must be marked by according to Scripture. And when we find ourselves hesitating to obey any of God’s commands due to another allegiance something needs to change.

Lord, may your people be defined not by causes, but by Christ; not by worldly labels, but by you alone.
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#lookingtoJesus #thegospelchangeseverything #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant the past few days. I snipped and propagated it from a stunning outdoor hanging plant we had a couple years ago after it scorched in the intense CO sun. After weeks of daily watching I finally saw the roots appear, and replanted it. Fuchsia is special to me, because it’s one of the plants that beautified our windowsills in Mongolia throughout our years there. I love having one in our home.

Recently, though, did a little trimming of this plant. I noticed there were a couple of overly flourishing sprigs; they were so long they were keeping the little plant from filling out. So, as much as I hated to do it, I clipped them off. To my delight, brand new leaves began appearing within days all over the plant.

Why has this been on my mind?  Because it reminded me that sometimes—in order for us to flourish—we need to clip back areas in our lives that are zapping growth. It’s often a painful decision, because they’re usually pastimes or vocations we love. But we know in order to direct time and energy toward our God-given priorities we need to do a little clipping of those gangly offshoots. Although we feel bare for a time, it doesn’t take long for the evidence of growth and life to show itself where it was much needed. 

And guess what? Those clipped offshoots are sitting in a jar in the kitchen, waiting to sprout new roots. They aren’t gone forever, just being prepped to produce life rather than zap it. Sometimes branches do need to be clipped and tossed. Other times they just need to be propagated—waiting for new roots to grow so they can grow and flourish at the right time in the right way.

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2
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#lookingtoJesus #plants #Christcenteredwomanhood #fuchsia #ponderings #lessonseverywhere
//Well, it’s all an adventure That comes with a //Well, it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you//

The incredible @frostedphotographer took some headshots for us, and she said, “Do you want to snap a few together?” Yes, please. 😍😍😍

Forever thankful for the gift of a life adventure with this man.
//Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Su //Summer and winter and
springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their
courses above,
Join with all nature in 
manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness,
mercy, and love//
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#greatisthyfaithfulness #lookingtoJesus #springtime
“Being like Jesus” will never contradict the r “Being like Jesus” will never contradict the rest of Scripture.

Several times as of late I’ve read or heard examples of people using stories of Jesus from the gospels to back up an argument about accepting sin of some kind. They say that if His followers are going to be like Him they need to follow His example—His example by their interpretation, that is.

But the narratives told of Jesus in the Gospels will *never* contradict the specific commands Christ-followers are given in the rest of the New Testament. Jesus never justified a sin we’re commanded to repent of. A sinful attitude never laced His words, no matter how matter-of-fact His rebukes were. Jesus is the Word made flesh. He will never go against His character or commands for His people.

We can be hard-line on sin while being gentle and kind. We can show compassion without compromising truth. We can be loving while holding fast to biblical convictions. We can, and we must.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Changing Him in any way for our own gain—whether that’s for fleshly gratification or out of fear of others—is making a Jesus in our image. This is a Jesus who cannot save. 

But we have a Jesus who *can* save, who needs no re-making. May we, by His grace, be ever-conforming to Him.
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#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #truth #love #Jesusislife
“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influenc “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” 
-Billy Graham

I know without a doubt this is true of my mom. This side of heaven I’ll have no idea what depths her godly influence and faithfulness has had upon me as a wife, mom, and woman in any sphere. I will never forget her telling us, “I’m so thankful I get to spend my days with you.” To have the assurance we were loved and enjoyed on top of all she did for our physical needs was a priceless gift. And, as I prepared to enter into adulthood she not only mentored me, but invited me into friendship with her. There aren’t words to sum up that kind of honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thank you for being willing to love and follow Jesus in whatever He’s asked of you. There is nothing greater you could’ve given to us. I love you.
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