Heather Cofer

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Motherhood: A Call to Radical Selflessness

7 Nov

It was 3am.

I had already been up several times nursing our newborn when I heard my three-year-old daughter begin to sleep talk in the other room. I knew what would come next: my one-year-old daughter would be woken up by her big sister’s out loud dreaming and would begin her angry cries. This may or may not wake big brother, too, but hopefully not the baby again. 

We were several weeks into this pattern, and I was more physically, mentally, and emotionally stretched and exhausted than I had ever been. Night after night of leaping out of bed to try to calm one child before another would awake, and just about the time that would end and I finally was falling back to sleep, the baby would begin to whimper for another meal. My husband was in the midst of a very busy travel season, so much of the time he wasn’t there to help in those midnight hours.

 I truly didn’t know how long I could go on like that. But, I also knew that this was a season I was being called to by God. I knew that, yet again, He was using motherhood to strip away another layer of selfishness I hadn’t even known was there. I could either resist it and cave under the stress of it all, or I could surrender myself to the Helper, my God who promises to give me all the grace I need for every circumstance I face. 

Motherhood has been, hands down, the number one tool God has used in my life to reveal my deep-seated selfishness. Almost from the moment I conceived my firstborn, I was surrendering the rights to the way I wanted to feel and the way I wanted to look. I was saying yes to the extreme pain of labor and whatever complications that may come along with it. I was letting go of unbroken nights of sleep, and the ability to shower when I wanted, eat when I wanted, and go wherever I wanted. I was saying yes to almost constant training, clothing, feeding, and nurturing. Basically, I was saying yes to laying down my life for the sake of caring for others who could do nothing for me in return. 

Did I know this is what I was saying yes to? No, I wouldn’t have put it that way. I knew motherhood would have it’s challenges, but I truly didn’t realize just how many layers of self-centered thought processes were ingrained in me. Yes, there are incredibly beautiful aspects of motherhood. But the reality is, there’s a fight against my selfishness that tarnishes that beauty every single day.

So, I had (and still have) two choices. I can either,

1) Resent the many ways that motherhood presents the opportunity to die to self, or

2) I can embrace this as a gift from the Lord to make me more like Him.

The first option is miserable. The second brings overwhelming joy. 

We live in a world that prizes independence, self-love and exaltation, and advancement of our own agenda. Children are seen as an inconvenience… for the proof of that we need look no further than the number of abortions that happen every year. Choosing to be “just a mom” is not prized, it’s pitied. It’s no wonder so many have looked at me, a young woman who stays at home with her four children, and said, “I could never do what you’re doing.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard it. Because considering others as more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3) is not worldly wisdom. It’s God’s wisdom. And unless we’re looking through the eyes of faith, it can’t be fully comprehended. 

As moms, we have the incredible privilege of being like Jesus by serving rather than being served. He calls us to follow His example and be His hands and feet to the least of these. This isn’t a calling we can do in our own strength. If (and when) we try, we fall flat – just trying to survive the days and arriving at the end of them exasperated, frustrated, and dreading the coming morning. But when we cling to God’s enabling, supernatural grace, we find everything we need to do what we’ve been called to do. Our bodies may be weary, but our souls will be filled with peace that surpasses all understanding. In His strength we’ll continue to persevere in our child-rearing, clinging fiercely to Him and keeping our eyes on eternity rather than the moment. When we love and serve unconditionally because we first love Jesus and simply want to please Him, the service becomes joy. 

when we cling to God’s enabling, supernatural grace, we find everything we need to do what we’ve been called to do

Too often I forget the beautiful calling of radically selfless living that I’m called to as a Christian, whether in motherhood or any other relationship. But I’m learning, by God’s grace. The eternal vision grows as I fix my eyes on Jesus day after day. He is so faithful and gracious to forgive, to remind me of His love, and give me another day to live for His glory. He comforts me in the moments of feeling defeated. He renews my vision for motherhood as I lay my burdens at His feet. He brings delight to the mundane moments, opening my eyes to see the gift of little giggles, of wobbly steps, of hair to comb and beds to make. He gives “strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,” enabling me to look with hope and expectancy for what is to come. This is only by His grace. Selfless living can only be by His grace. But… that’s what He does. He does the impossible in and through imperfect people who surrender to Him. 

My mothering is far from perfect. But I pray it is a greater and greater reflection of Jesus through what I do right and through the many moments of repentance when I don’t. Selfless living is a privilege as believers that is hard to fully grasp the significance of. When we take on the attitude of serving rather than being served, just like our Savior, it’s a picture of the Gospel that the world can’t ignore. Some may scratch their heads or call us crazy, but some really will want what we have: they’ll want Jesus. 

Now to go kiss more squishy cheeks and fold a few more little pants with holes in the knees.

Your friend,

Previous Post: « A Note to the Single
Next Post: Hospitable Together – Making Service a Family Mission »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Carol Beth Sprenger says

    November 7, 2019 at 10:31 am

    Oh, Heather! Thank you for this truthful and beautiful reminder of Christ’s call to lay down our lives and follow Him into the gift of Motherhood, with the promise of His abundant grace and strength and joy!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      November 7, 2019 at 8:34 pm

      Thank you for being such an incredible example of this, Mom! I love you dearly!

      Reply
  2. Trina Celine Cofer says

    November 7, 2019 at 2:57 pm

    I love this post Heather and I love you for living it. The central truth in this beautiful blog perfectly illustrates the often misunderstood Scripture in 1Ti 2:15 that makes the unusual statement, “she shall be saved in childbearing” … The Greek word saved is: σώζω / sōzō /sode’-zo meaning to save, deliver or protect (literally or figuratively): – heal, preserve, save (self), do well, be (make) whole. Child bearing and rearing is one of the most powerful forces in a woman’s life to refine her character and break the bondage of a self-centered life if she will simply surrender to every amazing moment and difficult burden it affords. I love you <3

    Reply
    • Heather says

      November 7, 2019 at 8:34 pm

      I so appreciate these words, Mom! Thank you for always cheering me on and encouraging me. I love you!

      Reply

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Melody and harmony. I was listening to a one of m Melody and harmony.

I was listening to a one of my favorite artists recently, delighting in their musical beauty. At one point the voice that usually sings harmony sang part of the melody instead, strongly and skillfully; and in that moment it dawned on me:

You have to first know a melody to sing it’s harmony.

Melody and harmony have differences in their notes, but a true harmony will enhance the melody, not fight with it. And they must work perfectly with one another—otherwise it goes from stunning to cringe-worthy in moments.

In the world today there are lots of movements and worldviews and organizations that are being proclaimed as harmonious with the melody of the Gospel (according to the Bible). In reality, though, they aren’t. Maybe if someone doesn’t truly know gospel these could pass as harmonious. Or, if someone tweaks the melody or chooses to ignore the sharp or flat notes, you could say they sound good together. Sometimes, yes, they sound like they fit for a few notes before going wonky. But those who are intent on being faithful to knowing and enhancing the melody—the *true* melody—will not be fooled. The dissonance will be apparent, even if subtle, and won’t be claimed as harmonious for long.

But those ministries and movements who *are* truly harmonious with the melody of the gospel are beautifully obvious. They are working to advance the Kingdom on earth in a way that enhances the tried and true refrain of God’s story. They do not need to tweak what the Bible says; they join with countless voices that have been singing for ages and generations past to harmonize with what always has been and always will be the most beautiful anthem of truth.

May our lives alway be in genuine harmony with the melody of the gospel.
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#pondering #truth #harmony #melody #lookingtoJesus #thegospel #Christcenteredliving #Christcenteredwomanhood #music
It’s been almost one year since the launch of th It’s been almost one year since the launch of this book—how is that possible?! It’s been a joy-filled process, and one full of learning curves. The Lord has displayed His faithfulness and kindness many times over as I’ve received encouragement and messages from those of you who have read it and been blessed by it. Praise Him!
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One of my hopes and prayers has been that there would be 1000 copies out in the world by its first birthday. It would be quite a stretch at this point, but if you’ve been considering buying this for yourself or someone else, now would be the perfect time to do so (the link is in my bio). 
Or, if you have read the book and were blessed by it, would you consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads? This goes a long way in helping it become more visible to expectant mamas who would be encouraged by the message in its pages (marketing is *not* my thing, guys, but my husband tells me it’s still important 😉).
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Thank you, thank you to each one of you who have bought the book, shared it with others, and left reviews. I know the Lord can be trusted to get this book into the hands of every person who need a fresh reminder to look to Him in the season of pregnancy.
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Also: stay tuned for a fun giveaway coming up to celebrate the one year mark! 🥳
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#expectant #pregnancy #Christcenteredpregnancy #expectantbook #pregnancyresource #oneyear
Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a Purity in every sphere of life is an outflow of a heart that has been transformed by our Savior. No rules, no self-effort can make us pure, only Jesus can. And, praise Him: He can!
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(Newest blog post ‘Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”’ at the link in my bio)
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#lookingtoJesus #purity #thegospelchangeseverything #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #Christcenteredwomanhood #family #Christianfamily #love #biblicallove #sanctification #graceupongrace #Jesusplusnothing
True purity can only be an outflow of a heart that True purity can only be an outflow of a heart that has been purified by the shed blood of Christ. When kids grow up hearing only about outward rules rather than inward transformation, they will certainly grow disillusioned. They will quickly realize as they face the reality of their sexual brokenness that the only way to maintain this outward facade is to be hypocritical, because their hearts have not been changed. And eventually they may throw it all out, because they have been relying on their own effort rather than the hope of the gospel. But when kids are taught to love God first and foremost—when He becomes their passion and pursuit—this is where they will gain a solid foundation and framework on which their theology of purity will stand fast.

New post on the blog! Love and Legalism: Reflections on “Purity Culture”

Link to full post in bio. 💕
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#ontheblog #purity #purityculture #biblicalwomanhood #sexualpurity #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #bloggersofinstagram #Christianblog #womanhoodblog #love #legalism
In the days before Easter I was reading the events In the days before Easter I was reading the events leading up to and surrounding Jesus’ death. In Luke 22:31-32, while Jesus is having His last supper with his disciples, he says this to Peter,

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail...”

Is there anything Jesus could have said or done that demonstrates the power of prayer more clearly than this?

Jesus could’ve flat out rebuked Satan. He could’ve just said, “No, you can’t have him.” And Satan would’ve had to submit. But what did Jesus do? He prayed, setting us an example, and in the process made a significant statement about how effectual prayer truly is.

How often do we neglect prayer to try other means of fixing problems? How often do we worry when we could simply bring our cares to Him? How often do we turn to human solutions rather than turning to our Almighty, all-knowing, all-loving Heavenly Father?

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May prayer be our first turn, today and every day.
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#lookingtoJesus #prayer #theBible #Christcenteredwomanhood
Feeling extra-thankful for this sister-in-love tod Feeling extra-thankful for this sister-in-love today. She brought her first child into the world earlier this week under some scary circumstances, and is now walking through her first days of motherhood with her tiny son in the NICU.

I’m so proud of her and her husband as they cling to the Lord and display such peace in Him.

Please pray for my precious nephew and his parents as they come to mind; that his little body would heal, that his lungs would grow strong, and that they would be able to bring him home soon.
Several weeks ago some dear friends and a family m Several weeks ago some dear friends and a family member experienced really scary scenarios on the same day, both of which could have ended badly; fatally. I praise God that both situations had relief-worthy outcomes, but it got me thinking about the question that so many grapple with:

How could a loving God let bad things happen to good people?

It struck me afresh—we as Christians have the only answer that holds true, eternal hope.

To understand, though, we have to start at the beginning.

God made us and this world, sinless and whole. He could have created us without a choice to love and obey Him—essentially like robots—but being made in His image, He gave us a choice. And we disobeyed. Sin and suffering entered the world because of *us,* not because of God.

And God, being perfectly just, could have rightly allowed us to suffer the eternal punishment for our rebellion against Him. But: He is also perfectly loving. And His justice and love were displayed by taking the punishment for our sin upon Himself. Jesus died in our place, then defeated sin and death by rising again.

Now, anyone who believes in Him is invited into this eternal hope through Jesus. We’re welcomed into His righteousness, giving us something far greater to anticipate beyond this life. The sin and suffering in this broken world are not the end for the followers of Jesus. We have glory awaiting us that will far outweigh even the deepest of suffering we experience now (Romans 8:18). 

When we understand the Gospel, does it diminish the pain here and now? No. But it moves us from the first question to this one:

//Amazing love, how can it be, 
that you, my King, would die for me?//

Because we have a loving God, sin, suffering, and sorrow don’t have the final say. Grief and death will be swallowed in victory. And one day, we’ll experience that resolution in God’s loving, perfect, presence forever and ever. We have hope.
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#lookingtoJesus #ponderings #thegospelchangeseverything
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