Heather Cofer

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4 Helpful Principles for Establishing Routines

24 Feb

Routines. 

There are so many ideas, methods, and variations of methods that can apply to setting up daily or weekly routines. Some families function with a whole lot of structure, others thrive on more of a  “go with the flow” approach. However, I often talk to women—especially young moms—who feel like they could or should improve in their routines in some way, shape or form. 

I get it. When you have a growing family, and especially when you have babies or toddlers that wake up frequently or are fighting whatever structure seemed to be working for a while, it can be really tough. However, over the years my husband and I have discovered some principles that have helped us significantly with establishing some life-giving rhythm in our days. And because I’m asked about this topic fairly often I thought I’d share a few of those principles with you.

Now, before I go any further I want to state plainly that I don’t expect everyone to adopt all the ideas below or assume that they will work for every family in every situation. Everyone has different circumstances, ages, work schedules, mealtimes, and so on, making it absurd to claim that there is a “one size fits all” method. However, these principles I’ll be sharing can be adapted to fit different methods. Meaning: these can be applied to various families and situations, able to be tweaked as your family grows and changes. 

So, if you’re in a place of feeling the need for fresh inspiration in the area of routine I hope these will be an encouragement to you. 

1. First Discipline, Then Flexibility

For the first 2 or three years of our marriage my husband and I realized we were functioning more out of flexibility than discipline, and that that was causing problems. We were always making space for the unexpected, which meant that many of the necessary, daily life tasks (like doing laundry or budgeting) would get pushed to the side all the time. This really came to a head once we started having kids, because we both felt like important tasks were continually on the back burner with no space to catch up on them later. This is when we realized that we needed to start functioning first with the default of discipline (or structure) rather than flexibility. 

This was a complete game-changer. Not only did we have time to accomplish the important and necessary tasks, but we also could see more clearly where we could be flexible. It did mean saying no more often to outside opportunities (especially for me), but the level of order it brought to our home and to my mental state was so worth it. 

We started by establishing a simple roadmap for our week. We plugged in the non-negotiable tasks first, which helped us see which time slots were available for things like getting together with people or other outside-the-home activities. This means that when it’s necessary to be flexible, we have the ability to switch things around while also having a framework to return to.

We’ve had to modify this weekly roadmap over the years as life circumstances change and we’ve added things like homeschooling to the mix. However, establishing this pattern has been invaluable in maintaining healthy structure in our days.

2. Consistency

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years of mothering it’s that there is no magic potion that helps you skip the step of consistency in establishing a routine or rhythm. It takes a commitment to day after day, week after week of establishing a pattern for your children to follow. This seems to be especially hard when your oldest is a toddler, and has no older siblings to follow. You as a mom also have no previous experience to go off of, making it easy to second-guess yourself. Don’t be discouraged or assume you’re necessarily doing something wrong if it takes time. It is going to take time. Our kiddos will fight boundaries until they realize we are serious about keeping them. And some kids may push for a long time (speaking from experience). But don’t throw in the towel. Keep pressing on, and eventually you will begin to see progress. 

This doesn’t mean a method can’t be tweaked to stay consistent. For example, when our oldest was two he started pushing back hard against naps. We knew he still needed one to function until bedtime, but telling him he needed to go to sleep seemed to make it worse. So, we changed our tactics a bit. We started calling his nap time “rest time” and told him he didn’t need to sleep, just quietly read books and play with animals on his bed until I said he could get up. This ended up doing the trick. As soon as we told him he didn’t have to nap, we found him fast asleep 20 minutes later. We changed our approach, but kept the consistency.

To this day we still have a regular rest time (our oldest is going on 8), and each new kiddo we’ve added to our family has fallen into the established pattern we put in place. It just took a commitment to long-term consistency and some willingness to tweak things as needed along the way. We’ve seen this work with bedtime, snack time, play time, family worship time, and all other “times” we’ve applied this to.

3. Use Time Blocks

This one has been particularly helpful for days when it’s necessary to change up our normal schedule, like Sundays when we have church and community group, or if we have out-of-town visitors. If our normal time for something like lunchtime or rest time is thrown off, we just shift it later or earlier and call it the same thing (we literally refer to pretty much everything with “time” at the end, haha). So even though we usually have lunch at noon and rest time at 1, it doesn’t throw us into a tailspin if we have to change it for a day or two. Our kids have gotten used to this, and generally handle it really well.

It also helps with areas like homeschooling, because if I’m running behind or have some kind of appointment I can just shift the time a bit for what fits best for that day. 

As much as we want our kids to know the value of structure, we also want them to understand that life is not rigid, and there are legitimate times to change a routine. It has helped our kiddos learn to be adaptable as well as appreciate normal daily rhythms.

4. Ask God for Wisdom

This one is last, but it’s certainly not least. God uniquely put together each family with various needs and callings, so although there are helpful examples we can follow we will still require wisdom from the Lord for the circumstances we face that aren’t found in books.

One of my favorite and most applied verses is James 1:5: 

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” 

As Christians we aren’t simply dependent upon our own understanding or the wisdom this world offers us. We have an invaluable and infinite source of wisdom available to us that enables us to live every moment of our lives for God’s glory. He has called us to function differently, which requires His wisdom down to the smallest of details, including daily routines. It’s not silly to invite God into our planning: it is the wisest thing we can do as we seek the best way to structure our days. 

So when it’s time to figure out how to fit in regular chores or music lessons, ask God for wisdom. When you feel like your bedtimes are hectic and no effort on your part is changing that, ask God for wisdom. When it’s time to potty train your child, but you’re not sure how to handle that with all your other tasks, ask God for wisdom (this one may or may not be a personal reminder). God promises to give it when we ask in faith and trust He will provide it. 


Remember, friend, you’re not alone as you wrestle through establishing structure for your days. Every mom faces the struggles of feeling behind or overwhelmed or unsure of how to create order in some area (or many). But God will give you what you need for today. He has called you to the season you are in now, and He will not leave or forsake you. Rest in His love for you, and continue to press forward in faith as you pursue grace-empowered excellence for His glory.

Your friend,

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As I watch the happenings in this world I have an As I watch the happenings in this world I have an ever-increasing ache—a yearning—to be known first and foremost by my allegiance to Jesus Christ.

As I read headlines, hot takes, opinions, debates between fellow believers—praying and seeking to learn and discern—I’m more certain than ever that being a Christian frees us from being defined by or confined to earthly labels in our stances on any given issue. We’re free to champion what God champions, to despise what God despises regardless of how it might be viewed by those around us or what political lines it might cross. We’re free to love those who differ from us, and yes, even free to love those who do us wrong. 

I have strong opinions and thoughts about certain issues—no doubt about it. I disagree with certain thoughts or opinions fellow believers hold. But what I want those brothers and sisters to know about me *first* is that I love them, not how I might disagree with them. Yes, there’s a place to discuss, to sharpen one another, to exhort and encourage, to warn and even to rebuke at times when we see fellow believers straying from Christ. But the world is supposed to know us by our love for each other, not our debates and conflicts. This should temper the “what,” “how,” and “when” of every conversation. 

Some of us are called to stand more publicly against certain evils and injustices than others. We should expect the best of those who aren’t doing or saying exactly what we’re doing or saying (*especially* if we’re defining them by their lack of words on social media. There are faithful Christians who will never say a word about current issues online, but are obeying in word and deed in their in-person spheres). That said, this should *never* be used as an excuse to neglect the actions and words that every Christ-follower must be marked by according to Scripture. And when we find ourselves hesitating to obey any of God’s commands due to another allegiance something needs to change.

Lord, may your people be defined not by causes, but by Christ; not by worldly labels, but by you alone.
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#lookingtoJesus #thegospelchangeseverything #Christcenteredwomanhood
I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant I’ve been thinking about my little fuchsia plant the past few days. I snipped and propagated it from a stunning outdoor hanging plant we had a couple years ago after it scorched in the intense CO sun. After weeks of daily watching I finally saw the roots appear, and replanted it. Fuchsia is special to me, because it’s one of the plants that beautified our windowsills in Mongolia throughout our years there. I love having one in our home.

Recently, though, did a little trimming of this plant. I noticed there were a couple of overly flourishing sprigs; they were so long they were keeping the little plant from filling out. So, as much as I hated to do it, I clipped them off. To my delight, brand new leaves began appearing within days all over the plant.

Why has this been on my mind?  Because it reminded me that sometimes—in order for us to flourish—we need to clip back areas in our lives that are zapping growth. It’s often a painful decision, because they’re usually pastimes or vocations we love. But we know in order to direct time and energy toward our God-given priorities we need to do a little clipping of those gangly offshoots. Although we feel bare for a time, it doesn’t take long for the evidence of growth and life to show itself where it was much needed. 

And guess what? Those clipped offshoots are sitting in a jar in the kitchen, waiting to sprout new roots. They aren’t gone forever, just being prepped to produce life rather than zap it. Sometimes branches do need to be clipped and tossed. Other times they just need to be propagated—waiting for new roots to grow so they can grow and flourish at the right time in the right way.

“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2
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#lookingtoJesus #plants #Christcenteredwomanhood #fuchsia #ponderings #lessonseverywhere
//Well, it’s all an adventure That comes with a //Well, it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you//

The incredible @frostedphotographer took some headshots for us, and she said, “Do you want to snap a few together?” Yes, please. 😍😍😍

Forever thankful for the gift of a life adventure with this man.
//Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Su //Summer and winter and
springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their
courses above,
Join with all nature in 
manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness,
mercy, and love//
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#greatisthyfaithfulness #lookingtoJesus #springtime
“Being like Jesus” will never contradict the r “Being like Jesus” will never contradict the rest of Scripture.

Several times as of late I’ve read or heard examples of people using stories of Jesus from the gospels to back up an argument about accepting sin of some kind. They say that if His followers are going to be like Him they need to follow His example—His example by their interpretation, that is.

But the narratives told of Jesus in the Gospels will *never* contradict the specific commands Christ-followers are given in the rest of the New Testament. Jesus never justified a sin we’re commanded to repent of. A sinful attitude never laced His words, no matter how matter-of-fact His rebukes were. Jesus is the Word made flesh. He will never go against His character or commands for His people.

We can be hard-line on sin while being gentle and kind. We can show compassion without compromising truth. We can be loving while holding fast to biblical convictions. We can, and we must.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Changing Him in any way for our own gain—whether that’s for fleshly gratification or out of fear of others—is making a Jesus in our image. This is a Jesus who cannot save. 

But we have a Jesus who *can* save, who needs no re-making. May we, by His grace, be ever-conforming to Him.
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#lookingtoJesus #Christcenteredwomanhood #Christcenteredliving #truth #love #Jesusislife
“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influenc “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” 
-Billy Graham

I know without a doubt this is true of my mom. This side of heaven I’ll have no idea what depths her godly influence and faithfulness has had upon me as a wife, mom, and woman in any sphere. I will never forget her telling us, “I’m so thankful I get to spend my days with you.” To have the assurance we were loved and enjoyed on top of all she did for our physical needs was a priceless gift. And, as I prepared to enter into adulthood she not only mentored me, but invited me into friendship with her. There aren’t words to sum up that kind of honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thank you for being willing to love and follow Jesus in whatever He’s asked of you. There is nothing greater you could’ve given to us. I love you.
“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was be “My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:15-16

At the end of every baby book I make for my kids I include a picture of their ultrasound next to a picture of them at a year old. I want them to have no doubt that they have been loved dearly from the moment we found out about them, before we could see them with our own eyes. I want them to know that their lives are gifts, and always have been. I want them to know that every bit of morning sickness, every ache and pain, every labor and delivery, every sleepless night, every urgent care trip, every tear shed, every penny spent, every pursuit that’s been put on hold, every extra mess, every lingering effect on my body are beyond worth it for the privilege of being their mama. For the kiddos who were a surprise to us, I want them to know God knew infinitely better than we did the timing for another child, filling our lives with delight. I want to combat any lie that the enemy and the world that would tell them they’re an inconvenience, a hindrance, a “Plan B,” with assurances of my love and—more importantly—God’s love and perfect plan for them.

I want my children to know I wouldn’t trade them for any career, any worldly accolades, any convenience, any fortune, any temporary ease. They have been used by God as tools to reveal and root out sin, to flood my weakness with the grace of God, to increase my joy. 

On this Mother’s Day weekend, I just want to say: thank you, Lord, for the undeserved gift of my children.
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#gratefulmama #mothersday #childrenareagift #fearfullyandwonderfullymade
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